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Life is only what you wonder.

Friday, November 28, 2003

The Gay Games

Object: Finding Mr. Right
Rules of Play: Start at Step 1 and continue forward, unless otherwise directed.
Note: Just because it's a "game" doesn't mean it's always fun.
Step 1: Boy Meets Boy-
You look at him. He looks at you. It's like a scene from a movie.
Continue to Step 2.
If he's incredibly hot and your hormones take over, skip to Step 3 then back to Step 2.

Step 2: Getting To Know You-
You get to know him better. If he seems OK and the appropriate sparks are flying, go to Step 3. If you've already done Step 3, why not do it again?
If he's a wacko, start a new game.

Step 3: The Dirty Deed-
You jump in the sack and play another exciting game called "hide the sausage".
It's fun, it's hot, and it burns calories!
In a perfect world, it would end right there with you and Mr. Right holding hands while you walk into the sunset.
(In some cases, this actually does happen!)
But chances are it won't, so you know there's going to be . . .

Step 4: Trouble In Paradise-
There's problems. You know what I'm talkin' 'bout:
He's too clingy. Too needy. Too aloof. Boring in bed. Boring out of bed. He's "straight". He's closeted. He has a boyfriend but it's "almost over". He doesn't want "anything serious".
You get the picture. He's definitely not Mr. Right.
So, what to do now? The easiest thing to do is . . .

Step 5: Dodge-
Slowly return phone calls or respond via email.
Only vaguely commit to dates.
"I'll call you soon." is a phrase you'll be saying alot. Try to sound sincere, as though you really mean it.

Step 6: Horny-
Your bucket is full and you need to empty it!
If sex with him was hot, go back to Step 3.
If sex was lousy, start a new game.

Multiple games can be run concurrently.
Your skill level will determine how many guys you can play at the same time.
Warning: It's a good idea to test yourself to determine your limits and comfort level.