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Life is only what you wonder.

Monday, December 08, 2003

Troll The Ancient Yuletide Carol

Just like I have a love/hate thing going on with Christmas, so do I also have a love/hate thing with Christmas carols. It’s hard not to, considering I’m bombarded with them all day, every day at work. Here’s some Christmas songs, and my feelings and comments on them.
Deck the Halls- I actually like this one. Festive, fun, with lots of energy.
I especially like the lyric about “donning our gay apparel”.
I don my gay apparel every single day!

Jingle Bells- OK, audience participation time: Raise your hand if you’ve ever ridden in a one-horse open sleigh.
Go ahead. Don’t be shy.
Hmmm. I don’t see many paws in the air, so I think it’s fair to say that this is not something most people have ever experienced. Yet everyone sings about how much fun it is to ride in one!
How strange is that?

Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer- I really hate this one.
You want to know why, just think about the lyrics.
Rudolph is shunned by his peers, and ostracized because he happens to be different. He’s not like the other reindeer, so he’s humiliated over and over again.
He probably cried himself to sleep over all the abuse he suffered. This probably caused deep emotional scars that could take years of therapy to heal.
(I know, I’m extrapolating, but it’s OK, I can do that if I want!)
Then, years later, when it’s discovered that his difference was actually an asset, Santa (who really should have stopped the abuse from the other reindeer before it even began) has the gall to come and ask Rudolph for help!
Rudy should have said “Screw you, fatso!”
But, no, out of the goodness of his heart (and I guess he was feeling sorry for the good little boys and girls in the world) he helps Santa deliver the presents.
Then the reindeer love him--after he saves the day! Some fair weather friends those other reindeer were! And Santa Claus wasn’t much better!
Just think: What if there were clear skies on Christmas Eve for years? Poor Rudolph would have probably died alone in a cave somewhere!

Up on the Housetop- Another happy song. I love the “Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn’t go?” lyric.

Winter Wonderland, Sleigh Ride, Frosty the Snowman, and Let It Snow- These aren’t Christmas songs, OK? There’s no mention of Jesus or Santa Claus or Christmas or presents in any of them. Anybody--Jewish people, Muslims, Hindus, what have you-- can enjoy these songs too! They’re winter songs and can be played all through the winter season, but you ever notice you only hear them around Christmas?