Every Antic Ups The Ante

I worked a double shift at work yesterday.
I made very good money, but I'm weary. My next day off isn't 'til Tuesday, so there's not much I can do but keep pluggin' along, like I always do.

My Uncle Ted stopped in the restaurant yesterday. He didn't know I worked there, so it was quite a shock to turn around and see him standing on front of me. He said he wasn't going to stop for lunch anywhere, but a voice in his head told him to.

I need to explain some things, so everything is clear. Ted's not really my uncle. I met Ted years ago (don't ask how many) when I was a "spring chicken" and new to the whole gay scene. Ted was in his 50's then, and would look a lot like Santa Claus if you put him in a red suit and he grew a beard and had hair on his head.
Anyway, Ted befriended me, "showed me the ropes", occasionally bought me drinks when I was down and out, always had an understanding ear when I would tell him all my woes and about all the drama going on in my life.
I'm not naive. I know he wanted more than just friendship with me--but he never took advantage of me, never expected more of me than what I could give.
As you might have guessed, I wasn't his only "nephew".
Anyway, it was an amazing coincidence seeing him, because I was going through all of my shoeboxes of photos just the night before and I saw a picture of him. "Uncle Ted!" I thought, I wonder how he's doing?" because it's been years and years since I saw him last.
Then, the very next day--there he was!
Things like that make me wonder . . . Was it really "coincidence"?
If I hadn't seen his picture and thought about him, would he have been there?
Was Ted's "impulse" to eat at my restaurant simply happenstance, or was it something else?
I will probably never know for sure, but it's uncanny how things like that happen.
Anyway, that was an interesting blast from the past. I wonder who I'll run into next?

I went to The Quest after work last night and ran into Mike. He was like "I'm so glad I ran into you!" and then told me that Sue cancelled her Halloween party. (He wouldn't say why no matter how much I pressed him, so I'll have to call her soon and get the dirt.)
It's just as well, because I hadn't gotten a costume yet anyway.
Nancy at work asked me to change my morning shift with her evening shift today so she could take her kids trick or treating, and I was a nice guy and said yes.
I'll be working 'til about 11:30 and then I'm going out after work somewhere for cocktails. I'm taking a change of clothes with me.
I have no idea where I'm going.
I'll know when I get there.

Have a happy Halloween, everybody!

Top Ten

My favorite Horror movies:


• The Shining (1980) - Jack Nicholson is so scary in this one. His performance alone gave me nightmares.
  

• Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956 & 1978) - Both versions are on this list. The first for pure creepyness ("My Uncle Ira isn't really my Uncle Ira!"). The whole idea of being replaced by a thing, a duplicate with your body and memories just makes me uneasy. After I saw the first one I searched under the bed and in the clostets for pods. The remake doesn't invoke such feelings of paranoia, but the special effects are pretty good and Brooke Adams "eye trick" make it worth including.
  
  
• The Thing (1982) - Ultra-creepy (and sometimes gross) special effects and nasty surprises make this a favorite. Kurt Russell would've been cute in this one without his gross unkept beard.
  
  
• The Night of the Living Dead (1968) - "They're coming for you, Barbara!" The idea of the dead rising up and eating the flesh of the living originated with this classic. The whole concept wigs me out. That scene where the dead little girl gnaws on her mothers corpse gives me the chills every time I see it.
  

• Halloween (1978) Jamie Lee Curtis and her friends are stalked by a homicidal killer on Halloween Night. Our first instroduction to the seemingly indestructible Michael Myers.
  
  
• Psycho (1960) - A Hitchcock classic. Don't be fooled by imitations--the remake sucks.
  
  
• The Omen (1976) - A movie about a couple (unknowingly) raising a child who is (literally) the son of Satan. The music is enough to set your teeth on edge. That's one evil little brat!
  
  
• A Nightmare on Elm Street(1984) - "One, two, Freddy's coming for you!" A filthy child murderer comes back and kills the children of the people that burned him in thier dreams. Johnny Depp is this one, in his very first role ever, as Nancy's boyfriend who gets sucked down into his bed and then liquified.
  
  
• I Spit on your Grave (1978) - A woman is brutally raped by five men, and she vows to get revenge. There's a scene in this movie that will make all the guys watching it hold on to their family jewels and cringe. (Don't say I didn't warn you!)
  
  
• The Exorcist (1973) - Linda Blair is a sweet little girl who gets possessed by a demon. She's not so sweet afterwards. I saw this when I was ten and I had nightmares for a week afterwards.

From The Mailbag

From: "Mandy Paige" mandy.paige@xxxxxxx.com
To: wonderboy@writeme.com
Cc:
Subject: A question
Date: Tue, 28 Oct 2003 08:23:35 +0000


In a recent post you "created" the word "ghettoest". Are you aware that most people use the word "ghetto" to mean black people? Was that your intent? I'm surprised that you could be so prejudiced!

From: "Wonder Boy" wonderboy@writeme.com
To: "Mandy Paige" mandypaige@xxxxxxx.com
Cc:
Subject: An answer
Date: Tue, 28 Oct 2003 12:23:25


If you searched far and wide, you would be hard-pressed to find someone less prejudiced than I am. Old, young, black, white, yellow, female, male, straight, gay, hindu, hebrew, what have you--everyone gets a fair shake with me. Being gay and on the recieving end of prejudice myself, it would be pretty silly for me to judge others, wouldn't it?
No, Mandy, I am definitely not prejudiced, as anyone who knows me would readily attest.
I use the word "ghetto" to mean low-class, crass, or uncouth. Therefore, anyone can be "ghetto", myself included.
I hope this clarifies things for you. If not, you know how to reach me.
Sincerely,
Jimmy

Hang Up And Run To Me

I'm usually off on Mondays, but they switched my schedule around.
That's OK, because it's raining like crazy and the weather is really crappy, so I might as well be at work, right?

I'm buzzin right now, and it's not because of all of the coffee I drank this morning. I'm just all excited about Fireguy's visit next month.
He sent me an email and right after I read it I called him up and just hearing his voice made my day so much better.
He has always had that effect on me.

Work was a bitch yesterday. I'd just as soon erase it from my memory.
Poof, begone!
I went out after work last night. (Yeah, yeah, yeah, what else is new, right?)
To tell the truth, I wasn't going to because I had a bottle of wine (Arbor Mist Peach Chardonnay) in the refrigerator at home waiting for me, and I'm getting a little tired of going out every night.
But, on the way home a little voice in my head said "Go on! You know you want to!"
So, I did.
(I have no willpower whatsoever!)
Anyway, it was actually a very good thing that I did, because I ran into my good friend Michael.
We spent a good while catching up on things. After a little while it kind of morphed into a casual, fun "Do you remember when . . ?" kind of conversation where you talk about all the crazy stuff that that you did and that happened to you way back when you were still young and stupid.
Everyone needs to do this once in awhile. It helps you remember where you've been.
He's still trying to get me to go to Sue's Halloween party. I wanna go, the only problem is I don't have a costume yet.
Whatever it is, it's got to be cheap. I just got finished paying bills and there's a stack more that have yet to be paid.
Mike doesn't have a costume yet either. Maybe we should put our heads together. Together, we could come up with something fabulous.

We Goin' Party Like It's Ya Birfday

I had a great "birfday". Thanks to everyone who sent me greetings and birthday wishes.
'Priciate it!!!
G. made my birthday a very special one.
It was all about me.
He wined and dined me, took me to a movie (The House of the Dead), then out for drinks at da club (The Quest), and then we had some people over for even more cocktails.
My very first guests in my new house! Pretty cool.

Not to be all materialistic, but I also got some pretty good stuff: a stack of CDs I've been wanting, a new shirt, and my practical husband even bought me a brand new coffee-maker, 'cause he knows how much I love my morning cup of wake-up juice and our old one broke a little while ago. I think I wore it out using it too much.
The servers at work even got me a cake and sang to me right in the middle of the restaraunt.
All in all, a very good day.

Aside from that there's not much going on.

My good friend Fireguy is making plans to visit Baltimore, just to visit me!
This makes me very, very happy.
It's been too long.

This Song Is SO Me

Call me a joker, call me a fool.
Right at this moment I'm totally cool.
Clear as a crystal, sharp as a knife,
I feel like I'm in the prime of my life.
Sometimes it feels like I'm going too fast.
I don't know how long this feeling will last.
Maybe it's only tonight.

Sometimes I'm tired, sometimes I'm shot,
Sometimes I don't know how much more that I've got.
Maybe I'm headed over the hill,
Maybe I've set myself up for the kill.
Tell me how much you think you can take,
Until the heart in you is starting to break?
Sometimes it feels like it will.

Out of the darkness, into the light,
Leaving the scene of the crime.
Either I'm wrong or I'm perfectly right every time.
Sometimes I lie awake, night after night,
Coming apart at the seams.
Eager to please, ready to fight,
Why do I go to extremes?

Billy Joel
"I Go To Extremes"

It Ain't Easy Being Cheesy

An exclusive interview with McCheese, Mayor of McDonaldland.

Everyone has been asking "Whatever happened to Mayor McCheese?" so I tracked him down at his local watering hole in the seedier part of McDonaldland, and after consuming mass quantites of grain alcohol, he finally granted me this interview.

Wonder Boy: Thanks for taking the time for this interview, Mayor McCheese.


Mayor McCheese: No problem. No problem at all! When you said it was for your blog, I figured no one reads it anyway, so what harm could it do?


WB: Um,OK. (pause) Anyway, you've been out of the spotlight for some time. Any reason for that?


MMcC: There were all these rumors out there about me and the Fry Guys, all untrue of course. Still, my lawyers advised me to lay low for a little while.


WB: You and the Fry Guys? I guess I could see how that could happen. They are pretty tasty.


MMcC: And they're super-sized.


WB: How do you get along with Ronald? You guys are never seen together anymore.


MMcC: We used to be great pals. But then he stopped calling, stopped coming around as much. He started spending all his time with the children. He was always playing with them, showing them his magic tricks. He's worse than Michael Jackson!


WB: Wait a minute. Are you saying Ronald is . . .


MMcC: All I know is I heard a rumor that Ronald told a little boy there was a Happy Meal hidden somewhere in his big clown pants and asked him if he wanted to try and find it. That's all I'm saying about it.


WB: OK, then! On to other things. I'm curious, after all this time why hasn't anything been done to stop the crime-spree of the Hamburgler?


MMcC: There wasn't any need. Look at the statistics: Not once in his entire hamburger-stealing career has he ever gotten away with it. He's always caught in the act. He's obviously not trying to steal hamburgers at all.


WB: Huh! I never thought of that.


MMcC: What you have to understand is the Hamburgler wants to get caught, that way he can be punished. He's a kinky little bastard.


WB: I just realized we haven't seen Birdie in some time. Whatever happened to her?


MMcC: She just vanished one day. I say good riddance! "Early bird", my buns! She may have seemed sweet and cute on TV, but she was a total bee-yotch before her first cup of coffee. What a shrew!


WB: Maybe you can answer a question that's been on my mind for some time. Just what the Hell is Grimace supposed to be?


MMcC: To tell the truth, I have no idea! Only he knows, and he's not telling.

In His Satin Tights, Fighting For Your Rights

Question of the Day:
If you had a device that could give you a super power (flight, super-strength, etc.), which power would you choose?

My answer?
Flight would be pretty cool. No more taking the #$%@! bus. Baltimore would look like a giant child's beatuiful toy way up near the clouds. I'd be the envy of everyone. "Whee! Looka me!"
Super-strength would be awesome as well. Anybody tries to mess with me I could knock 'em into next week and see you next Tuesday.
Then I'm thinking invisibility. You could see all kinds of private things if you were invisible. You could sneak away if someone were after you. It'd be awsome if you were trying to avoid someone. ("See you later!" "Not if I see you first!") But my clothes would have to be invisible too, 'cause I wouldn't want to have to walk around everywhere naked.
Invulnerability would be pretty darn convienent, wouldn't it?
How about the power to stop time? I would always get enough sleep. I could stop time in the middle of work and take a little nap and come back later. But then again with time stopped and me not stopped would probably make me appear to age alot faster, so that wouldn't be good at all. Super-speed has similar disadvantages.
Mind-reading would be excellent. There wouldn't be anything you couldn't find out. You could blackmail just about anyone, because everybody has a dirty little secret.
My final answer: invisibility.
How 'bout you?

Bargain Bin Queen

Some of my favorite CDs I happened to find in the bargain bin.
Yes, I'M the one looking through every single disc in the big ol' bargain box, hunting for something new; Some lonely, neglected ittle CD that needs a good home.
Most of you have probably never even heard of these bands, but if you see them in the bin, take a chance. You might be pleasantly surprised!

The Veldt - Afrodisiac
The Silent Poets - To Come
The Din Pedals
Color - Are You With Me?
Seed - ling
Menthol
T42 - Intruder
Louie Says - Gravity, Suffering, Love, and Fate
Brown Hornet
Esthero - Breath From Another
Naked
that dog - Totally Crushed Out
Hugo Largo - Mettle

Hey, White Boy!

People are always shouting "Hey! White Boy!" to me on the street, right before they come up to me and ask for cigarettes or money.
One of my closest friends affectionately (more or less) calls me "The whitest person in America".
(It's not true. There are whiter people than me. It's rare to see one, but they exist!)

After all of that, I might as well get one o' them thurr, them thurr
t-shirts.

(This photo is not of me.)

Question of the Day:

He shot the sheriff.
He didn't shoot the deputy.

Who in the hell shot the deputy?

Liquor Is Quicker

On the way home from work yesterday I stopped at Wal-Mart for some mini-blinds. The one's in the living room came with the house and thy're dingy and dusty and ugly.
I guess I could clean them up or something, by why bother when you can buy a new set for only $7?
Wal-Mart is becoming my absolute favorite store! I went there for the blinds and I ended up buying all this other crap that I really didn't need, but it was all on sale so that makes it OK.
I bought a plant for the house. A cactus, which is about the only plant I'll be able to keep alive.
I don't have much of a green thumb.
Forget all that crap about fertilizer, talking sweet to them, and the right shade of light--what plants really want is water and I simply forget to do it.
I'll think, "I should water that plant sometime soon." and then time will pass. A little while later I'll think "Damn, that plant is looking dry! I really need to water it." and that'll be as far as it ever goes.
Give me a fern and in two months it'll be all dried up and dead.

I installed the blinds and then I decided to go out to The Quest for a drink. My friends Mike and John were there. They invited me to a party this Sunday, but I'll be working.
Vince (who I work with) and his boyfriend were there. Vince took a photo of me and said it was for his Halloween costume. I'm like "What's you're costume?" and he said it was a secret, which has got me wondering. He took pictures of almost everyone there.
I wonder what his costume is?
Anyway, I had fun.
John kept buying me drinks, and I kept drinking them because It's a sin to waste good alcohol.
(I says so in the Bible somewhere. I'm almost sure of it.)
Anyway, to make a long story short(er), I ended up drinking too much.
Shocker.
I don't have a hangover yet, though, but I feel pretty lousy.
I'll feel better in a little while, I'm sure.

R.I.P.

Anybody else remember this rhyme?

Did you ever think as the hearse rolls by,
That some day in it, you will lie?
They'll bury you deep in the cold dark ground,
Where it's inky black, and there's never a sound.

And the worms crawl in
and the worms crawl out,
They crawl all over your chin and mouth,
They'll invite their friends and their friends' friends too,
And you'll look like Hell when they're through with you!

My cousin would say this rhyme to me when I was a small child and it used to scare the willies out of me!

Who Put The Acid In My Spam?

What a weird fuggin' day!

I had the Lunch Shift today at the restaurant, and not even ten minutes after we open the power goes out.
I don't know what happened, but the power was out on the whole block, traffic lights and everything.
So everyone's wondering if we're gonna close, what's gonna happen.
Anyway, the power was off for over an hour and everybody's thinking we were going to close. We're all talking about how we're going to spend the day.
I know I need money, and I was off for the last two days, but I'm still as giddy as a kid on a snow day.
YAY!!! I get to go home!!
We stared shutting things down, cleaning things up, and just as we were preparing to go . . .
you guessed it, the power came back on.
So we had to turn right around and start all over again.
By the time I actually got my first table it was 1:30 PM.
I ended making OK money anyway, it was just a really strange day.

The house is looking pretty good (if I do say so myself).
I've been spending all my free time fixing it up.
The entire downstairs is painted. The bathroom floor has been retiled. (That was the husband's project. He did a very decent job. You never woulda guessed he'd never laid tile down before!)
The next step is painting the front door and then I'm going to work on the second floor.

My friend's Mom was getting rid of her china cabinet and she said I could have it so it's sitting in our empty (but freshly painted) dining room.
It's probably lonely sitting there all by itself.
It'll have company as soon as we get the new furniture out of lay-away.

The more I do to the house, the more I see that needs to be done.
It's never-ending!

Don't Say I Didn't Warn You

This page sucks!

8 Simple Household Rules

Some people go nuts if you leave the cap off the toothpaste or you forget to turn a light off when you exit a room.
Others are really particular about where things are kept. "A place for everything, and everything in it's place."
I'm not that anal-retentive.
(At least, I hope not!)
Read my list of simple rules and judge for yourself.

8 Simple Household Rules:
1. Take your shoes off at the front door. I know we're not in Japan, but it helps prevent dirt from being tracked in.
2. If you empty an ice-cube tray, fill it with water and place it back in the freezer.
3. The toilet seat and lid go down when you're finished.
   If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie.
4. Close the curtain when you're done showering.
5. Dirty dishes are to be rinsed and placed in the dishwasher, not left in the sink.
6. Clean the lint filter after you use the dryer.
7. Trash gets taken out on Monday and Thursday night.
   It doesn't matter who takes out the trash, as long as it's out.
8. If you use the last of the toilet paper, place a new roll in the dispenser.

That's not too much to ask, is it?

A Five Minute Story

Do I Know You?

I got this strange message yesterday on my Infopad.
I don't get too many messages on there, really, so when the indicator beeped I was kind of surprised.

Meet me at Louie's.
12PM.
J.

It was Jules, of course. Though why he messaged me instead of phoning was kind of a mystery.
Still, it wasn't unusual to meet at Louie's, a local tavern located excactly between our workplaces, for a synthahol cocktail or two around luchtime.
I messaged back "OK".

I got there right on time and went directly to the table in the back where we normally sat, and ordered a drink from the waiter who appeared at my side almost instantly.
A drink appeared a few moments later and I was toying with it and I was kind of daydreamimg and wondering what was keeping Jules when she walked in.
She was tall, had a nice figure, and long chestnut brown hair.
Pretty, I thought.
There was also something strangely familiar about her.
She didn't head to the bar as I suspected she would, but walked diectly toward me.

"Hello, Troy. I'm sure this is kind of a surprise, but I felt like I needed a Change."

Stunned. That's the only word to describe what was going through my head.
This was Jules! He had gotten a Change!
Changing was common in this day and age, but it still takes some getting used to. My own mother Changed when I was sixteen and I had to call her "Dad". That was strange, because, like most people, I never knew who my real dad was.

"Jules? That's you, isn't it?" I managed to say.

"I'm going by Julia now, but yes, it's me."

She smiled a warm smile, that lit up her face.
It was Jules' smile, yet altered slighly. And her face was Jules' face, but rendered more feminine. She was beautiful.
Had Jules looked like this as a male and I was just too blind to see it?

Julia sat down and ordered a devil's nightlight from the waiter who had appeared once again, like magic.

"That what Jules always orders." I said offhandedly, still amazed I could say anything.

She looked up at me with these big blue eyes and brushed a stray hair from her face.

"Troy," she said while sipping her drink, "I'm still me in every way that counts. All the things you could do and say with Jules, you can with me. I'm the same person I always was."

But she wasn't.
Not really.

Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are!

Today is National Coming Out Day!

Your project for the day:

Be visible: Wear a gay t-shirt or pin!

Flaunt your sexuality: Hold hands in public. Kiss your lover on a street corner!
(Straight people accuse us of doing this anyway, so why not?)

Come out to at least one person who doesn't know.
(Come on, there's got to be at least one person who doesn't know!)

Be proud of yourself!
(If you won't, how can you expect anyone else to?)

We're here.
We're queer.
Let's all go and have a beer!

Oh, My stars!

Libra
September 23 - October 22
"There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about," wrote Libran Oscar Wilde, "and that is not being talked about."
You won't have to worry about the latter problem in the next two weeks. The number of discussions about your character and behavior will probably exceed that of any other 14-day period in the past five years.
Fortunately, the astrological indicators suggest that a relatively high percentage of the gossip flying around will be benevolent and even flattering.
It will be a good time, therefore, for a marketing campaign or networking blitz.

From Free Will Astrology

Color My World

OK. The living room has been painted, and the dining room is half-done.
Yes! One more thing off the list.

The hubby and I went to Wal-Mart and looked at paint colors, finally settling on "Soft Linen", which is just a touch darker than "Eggshell", and we spent the last couple of days painting like crazy.

We went to a furniture warehouse the other day and went a little crazy selecting all the furnishings we wanted. We put a dinette set, sofa, love seat, and cocktail and end tables all on lay-away.
I've never laid anything away in my life, so this is an entirely new experience for me.

We're planning a housewarming party in November. Prob'ly sometime during the third week, but nothing's definite yet.
I want to get all the painting done and get some nice furniture in there before we start inviting people over. I want people to see a nice home, not a former low-income whorehouse.

It's all coming together.

Eat to the Beat

I am loving the new place!

I went "exploring" yesterday and there are three Chinese food restaurants, a pizza place, and a sandwich shop, all within a two block radius!
I'll never go hungry again!

I stopped by the Chinese restaurant closest to the house yesterday (called The Golden Crown, I think) because I haven't gotten around to buying groceries yet. I got chicken with black bean sauce, an egg roll, and a small egg drop soup, and that was dinner.
Good stuff. I could eat Chinese food all day, every day and never get sick of it.

Yesterday I hooked up the stereo, so I can listen to all of my CDs now.
Thank God! I was going crazy without my music.
Unfortunatewly, the cable isn't hooked up yet, so I have to settle for regular TV with horrible reception. Yuck.

I want to get started painting, but G. and I are working separate schedules (again) and we haven't picked out the paint colors yet.
I'm thinking of an antique white or very light tan for the living room and G. agrees, but I don't want to just choose something without his input.

It'll happen soon enough.
I'm just impatient.

Just So Ya Know . . .

My birthday is coming up the 22nd of this month.

Hint. Hint. Hint.

Yowza!

Hooo, boy! Here's what's been going on.
The best news first:
G. and I got a house!
I didn't post anything about it, or even mention it to anybody because I was afraid of something going wrong.

Overly superstitious, I guess, but I didn't want to jinx anything.

We found out that we got it for sure on our anniversary, October 1st.
We just finished moving out of the old place and into the new one.
Whoo!
Thank God it's over. (I hate moving with a passion!)

Anyway, about the new pad:
It's a three-bedroom rowhouse with an attic and basement, and it's at least three and a half times larger than our cozy 1 bedroom loft. It looks absolutely bare with the little bit of furniture that's in it.
It needs some work, though, mostly decorating-wise.
The wackadoodles that had this house before us painted the dining room Chinese Red, the living room walls are Brick Red on top with Forest Green below and a God-awful yellow "lotus blossom" trim.
Yuck!

Then you have the upstairs . . .
The second floor has to be seen to believed. The walls are this day-glo fluorescent aqua color that could give sight to the blind!
Oh, it's just too horrible. What were they thinking?

And these were gay guys who had this house previously, so don't believe the hype! (No matter what they say on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy!)

So, painting is #1 on my list of Things To Do.
Then there's carpeting, refinishing the hardwood floors, and then buying furniture.
It'll be a project, but a good one. A labor of love.

As for everything else, things are going OK.

I've got a lot on my plate for today, though. I've got to zip over to the Post Office to fill out "change of address" forms, go get an extra set of keys made, pick up checks from the old job and the new one and cash 'em.

I better get started while I still have the energy.

More New Vocabulary Words

guestes (gest-is) n. Plural of guests; having more than one group of guests.
"I have time to grab a smoke, I just checked all my guestes and they're OK."

fat (fat) v. Past tense of fit.
"The key doesn't fit in the lock." "That's funny, it fat just fine yesterday."

Who's That Guy?

He's Andy Roddick, pro tennis player.
Mandy Moore is a very lucky girl.
Is this man sexy, or what?

Question of the Day:

Is it cheating to post something on your blog retroactively on a day you didn't post anything?

My Love Is Your Love

G.,
It's been four years!
We've been through good times and bad.
Stood by one another in sickness and in health.
After all of that, it must be love!

Happy anniversary, honey!
I love you more than words can say.

Love always,
Jimmy