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Life is only what you wonder.

Sunday, November 30, 2003

Left Hand Suzuki Method

I had a great Thanksgiving. I stuffed myself so much I could hardly walk.
Call me a glutton if you must.
Ever notice that everyone eats the same foods every year on Thanksgiving? Turkey and/or ham, mashed potatoes, stuffing, yams, green bean casserole (with the French-fried onions on top), pumpkin pie, etc?
Just once I'd like to have a Chinese Thanksgiving with Moo Goo Gui Pan, General Tso's Chicken, some shrimp toast and some egg rolls.
Or would that be too strange?

It's been busy in the restaurant but tips have been skimpy (to say the least).
I know people are saving for Christmas, but I have presents to buy too.

Speaking of presents, against my better judgment, I went in for the "Secret Santa" thing at work.
Now I'm expected to spend (up to) $20 to buy a present for this guy "Big Mike" who's a line cook and who I know absolutely nothing about.
Geez! It's hard enough buying presents for people I know!
Ah, well, it's the thought that counts, right?
I just don't want to be known as a 'bad gift giver'. I could go the easy route and get a gift certificate, but that's like saying "I don't care enough to shop for a gift for you so here--buy what you want".
I'm sure I'll figure out something.

Did anyone else catch Justin Timberlake on Saturday Night Live last night?
Not only can that boy sing his ass off, but he has a flair for comedy as well.
That skit he did as Jessica Simpson almost made me wet my pants!

I'm working a double shift Monday and if we're as busy as we have been, I'm going to need a stiff drink afterwards to recover.
People are so bitchy when they come in the restaurant after doing their Christmas shopping!

Saturday, November 29, 2003

Say Goodbye

The Club Allegro, which had been around for over 30 years, shut it's doors for good last week.

Goodbye to The Allegro, the very first club where I danced under the mirror ball.
Goodbye to my favorite bartenders: Phil, who always had a joke or funny story to tell, and David who was very nice to look at.
I won't be seeing barback Jason at the door anymore--he gives the best hugs!

I had alot of good times there. I had a couple of bad times there too, but that was only 'cause of drama going on in my life at the time.
I'll miss going there, but I'll always remember that place.

Somewhere in my mind, my 18 year old self, eyes open with with delight and wonder, dances there still.

Test your Gaydar

Gay or Straight--Can you tell?

Friday, November 28, 2003

The Gay Games

Object: Finding Mr. Right
Rules of Play: Start at Step 1 and continue forward, unless otherwise directed.
Note: Just because it's a "game" doesn't mean it's always fun.
Step 1: Boy Meets Boy-
You look at him. He looks at you. It's like a scene from a movie.
Continue to Step 2.
If he's incredibly hot and your hormones take over, skip to Step 3 then back to Step 2.

Step 2: Getting To Know You-
You get to know him better. If he seems OK and the appropriate sparks are flying, go to Step 3. If you've already done Step 3, why not do it again?
If he's a wacko, start a new game.

Step 3: The Dirty Deed-
You jump in the sack and play another exciting game called "hide the sausage".
It's fun, it's hot, and it burns calories!
In a perfect world, it would end right there with you and Mr. Right holding hands while you walk into the sunset.
(In some cases, this actually does happen!)
But chances are it won't, so you know there's going to be . . .

Step 4: Trouble In Paradise-
There's problems. You know what I'm talkin' 'bout:
He's too clingy. Too needy. Too aloof. Boring in bed. Boring out of bed. He's "straight". He's closeted. He has a boyfriend but it's "almost over". He doesn't want "anything serious".
You get the picture. He's definitely not Mr. Right.
So, what to do now? The easiest thing to do is . . .

Step 5: Dodge-
Slowly return phone calls or respond via email.
Only vaguely commit to dates.
"I'll call you soon." is a phrase you'll be saying alot. Try to sound sincere, as though you really mean it.

Step 6: Horny-
Your bucket is full and you need to empty it!
If sex with him was hot, go back to Step 3.
If sex was lousy, start a new game.

Multiple games can be run concurrently.
Your skill level will determine how many guys you can play at the same time.
Warning: It's a good idea to test yourself to determine your limits and comfort level.

Wrack and Ruin

"For whatever reason (say an opressive regime has taken over your country), you find that you have to cut and run, leaving most everything behind to live on the lam for awhile.
After packing all the essentials (You packed a flashlight, right? Double check), you find that you have room for 7 or 8 books.
You have 5 minutes to select the books to take."

Project: spend 5 minutes and grab 7 or 8 books (big books take up more space) from your home (or work) library. These books must actually be in your collection at the time of the excercise. Stack them up, take a digital photo, post it on your website/blog, and trackback this entry or post a comment to this entry with a link to it.

Wonder Boy selected . . .

The Andy Warhol Diaries edited by Pat Hackett
Sade- A Biography by Maurice Lever
The 120 Days of Sodom and Other Writings by the Marquis De Sade
Justine (or Good Conduct Well Chastized), Philosophy in the Bedroom, and Other Writings by the Marquis De Sade
Juliette (or Vice Amply Rewarded) by the Marquis De Sade
I only picked 5 because the books I chose are pretty thick. (Justine, the slimmest of the books, has 1098 pages!)
As you can see, I have a fondness for the Marquis De Sade. The philosohy he presents in virtually every work of his is facinating, and his books and stories are full of every kind of sex you can imagine. It's very erotic reading.
(I'm not into S&M, though, so don't get the wrong idea!)

Wednesday, November 26, 2003

Thankful

Thanksgiving is almost here, which means X-Mas is just around the corner and I'm dreading it all.

I both love and hate the Holidays with a passion that defies description.
I know that it's because I have no contact with my family is the reason why I feel so strongly about it.
Most times I don't even think about it. It's an old wound that I've allowed to heal. But there's still an ugly scar there and every Holiday season I'm vividly reminded of it.
I want to call my mom and talk to her so much! She's my Mom, you know?
But it's been (how many?) years since I spoke with her. What do I say to her now?
I'm almost in tears right now just thinking about it.
It wounded me to the core when I was disowned and thrown out of the house and I don't know if I can allow myself to go through that again.
Still, how many more years am I going to wait?
I've got to do something about this, before more time goes by.

Anyway, the plans are all set. We're going over to my niece's (she's actually G.'s niece, but she calls me "Uncle Jimmy", so I guess that makes her my niece too) for Thanksgiving dinner with the rest of G.'s family, and then everyone's coming over to our house(!!) for cocktails, coffee, and dessert.
I've been cleaning and painting, and baking, and shopping and doing everything I can to make it special.

As I was sipping my third Apple Martini at The Drinkery last night (and thinking I should have probably stopped at two) I realized that I have much to be thankful for.
For starters, I'm still alive!
I have a job I like and that I'm good at. I have a house and somewhere to lay my head. I have a man in my life that I love very much.
What have I got? I've got alot!
And I'm thankful for all of it-- each and every day.

Have a great Turkey Day, everyone!

Tuesday, November 25, 2003

Blonde And Beyond


Blondie, my favorite band ever, has done it again with a new single, Good Boys, and a new album: The Curse of Blondie due out very, very soon.

Click here to hear an excerpt from the single Good Boys.

I'm going to the CD store as soon asit comes out and getting this.

Monday, November 24, 2003

My Tree Will Not Be Just One In A Row

"Blog Tree is a web site that maintains a database of blog relationships and allows you to browse blogs' pedigrees.
You can register your blog(s) and note which blogs inspired them (their parents). You can then notify the parent blog's author, as well as authors of any blogs that you think your blog inspired, about BlogTree.com and encourage them to register their blogs and note their parent blogs.
As more and more blog authors participate, unrelated families of blogs will find common ancestors or descendants."
Here's the Wonder Boy blog pedigree.

Saturday, November 22, 2003

Eatin' Ain't Cheatin'

I was talking to my friend Matt (AKA "Playboy") and we were discussing fidelity in relationships, and I was telling him how distressing I thought it was that people are unfaithful to their partners all the time.
And then he said, "Well it depends on what you think of as cheatin'. Eatin' ain't cheatin'."
So I naturally I asked him to explain.
He went on to tell me that, in his mind anyway, oral sex "doesn't count".
In Playboy's world, handjobs, blowjobs, and heavy petting aren't really cheating.
So I took an informal poll and asked some friends of mine what they thought was "cheating"

Brett:
"Any kind of sexual conduct outside the relationship is cheating. Kissing and hugging someone other than your partner are unfaithful acts. You shouldn't even be masturbating or looking at porn--that's cheating too."

Chris:
"Cybersex isn't cheating technically, but if your in a relationship you shouldn't be carrying on like that with someone else."

Mike:
"It's only cheating if your partner catches you."

Derek:
"Just attempting to get with someone else is wrong, even if it doesn't go anywhere. The cheating happens in the attempt, not the act."

Here's my view on it:
Cheating is breaking the rules that were defined by both partners at some point during the relationship. If it's agreed that both partners can have sex with other people and one of them does, that's not cheating. If it's agreed that neither partner masturbate or look a porn and one of them catches the other in the bathroom wankin' to FreshMen, he broke the rules. He cheated.

This is how I do it. I turn it around and think:
Would I get upset /angry/ hurt if I found out that G. (insert act here) with someone else?
If the answer is "yes", then that act (whatever it is) is something I shouldn't even think about doing with anyone else but G..

Everyone's got their own opinions about this, though.

Got To Be Startin' Somethin'

A Photographic History of Michael Jackson's Face.

Be Afraid. Be very afraid.

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

The Gay Spiral

Angel, Angel, down we go!Certain things are inevitable, like death and taxes. Other things are merely predictable, perceived by those who know what to expect, simply by observing what has happened before.

This is the Gay Spiral. Not every gay man will go down this path, but many, many will.

Step 1: The End Of Innocence-
You realize you're attracted to the same sex.
Holy smoke!
The thought both arouses you and sickens you, thrills you and terrifies you.
Even though you haven't done anything yet, your innocence is over.
Gone. Kaput.
You will never be the same again.

Step 2: Hiding and Shame-
Perhaps you're one of the very few lucky ones to grow up in an environment where homosexuality wasn't frowned upon for religious or "moral" reasons, you had positive gay role models to pattern yourself after, and your family was loving and supportive.
Congratulations!
Most people don't have it so easy.
Being told that homosexuals are sick, perverted, nasty, and sinful and then realizing you're one of "those people" takes alot to get over.

Step 3: The "I'm Bi" Phase-
It's only half as bad as being gay, right?
You try to convince yourself that you like women too, even though you've only dated them rarely and had sex with a woman only once, with less than stellar results.
(Also known as the "You'll be gay in 6 months" phase.)

Step 4: The Idealistic Phase-
You read every book on homosexuality you can find, especially about Great Homosexuals Throughout History.
"Alexander the Great was one! So were Richard the Lionhearted, Oscar Wilde and Leonardo da Vinci!"
You're not really "in the scene" yet.
You hope to achieve the homo version of the hetero ideal--find the man of your dreams and live happily ever after.

Step 5: Limited Dating & Random Hook-Ups-
You date 3 or 4 different guys a week and sleep with most of them.
You're young and having fun and your appointment book is always full.
You're enjoying yourself, but you think there must be something more.
You want a real boyfriend.

Step 6: Your First Boyfriend-
You find someone to date who'll put up with you.
You're overjoyed.
You have a boyfriend so that makes you "complete". You love saying the words "my boyfriend" and it's nice to have someone to hold hands with and have on your arm at the club.
Your single friends will be saying "Since he found a boyfriend he's not as much fun as he used to be." but you know they're just envious.

Step 7: Break Up!-
For whatever reason you and your boyfriend break up.
You're crying and emotional. Your a big ol' mess.
You don't know if you can ever love again, and anyway, what's the point? How could anyone love you--you're so unlovable!
Eventually, you get over it, and dust yourself off.
Now you're ready for further punishment!

Step 8: How Sweet! Fresh Meat!-
Now that you're over the break up, it's time to get back out there!
Once more into the breach!
There are hundreds of hot men out there, and alot of them want to sleep with you!
You become a crazy club whore.

Step 9: Ready To Settle Down-
You're tired of all the empty sex. You want someone to spend the rest of your life with. You find it's not that easy to find a guy, a "quality guy" (whatever that means), but you're determined to try anyway.

Step 10: Long Term Relationship-
You've found The Man. He's definitely The One. Mr. Right.
Before you know it, you're living together with both your names on the lease. You're buying furniture together and picking out tile samples for the bathroom.
Enjoy it while it lasts.

Step 11: Break Up! (Reprise)-
Repeat Step 7, only with greater intensity and length, then move forward to . . .

Step 12: It's Raining Men!-
So many boys, so little time!
But the dating game isn't as fun as you remember, though, as guy after guy passes through your door.

[Repeat Steps 9-12 over again (and sometimes again and again) until you inevitably reach . . . ]

Step 13: Jaded!-
You're tired of the game.
You are now jaded and keep to yourself. You don't want to be around anyone except people as jaded as you are. Especially not "happy couples". And you certainly don't want to hear anything about love!
Love? There's no such thing!

Step 14: Attitude Adjustment-
You realize your attitude isn't really attractive. Some of your idealism starts to come back.
Only some of it though.
(That's the worst thing about the Spiral, you can only go back a few spaces, and even when you do, it's never the same.)
You also realize you're not getting any younger, so if you're going to do it, it had better be now.

Step 15: It's Raining Men! (Reprise)-
There is a picture of you by the word "slut" in the dictionary.

[Go back to Step 9, or continue onward to . . .]

Step 16: The Dark Pit of Bitterness and Depression-
You spend alot of time at the bar drinking, but you don't try to pick anyone up.
You watch alot of porn and your right hand is your best friend (unless you're left-handed.)
Luckily, just like Pandora's Box, hope shines brightly like a diamond at the very bottom.

[At this point, you can either stay where you are, go back to Step 14, or if you're a glutton for punishment, go back to Step 9.]


Disclaimer: The Gay Spiral is not suitable for all guys. Consult your therapist before undertaking the Gay Spiral. Some side-effects, such as increased alcohol, nicotine, or drug consumption may occur.

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

All The Leaves Are Brown, And The Sky Is Grey

(Can't you just hear Mama Cass and Michelle Phillips singing in the background?)

It's a yucky day today. Windy, drizzly, overcast and cold.
Winter is coming fast, so I guess I'd better get my Eskimo suit out of the closet.

I just got home from running all these errands and as soon as I'm done typing this I'm going to get on the horn and see if I can get everyone together for a rousing game of Spades for tonight.
It's so difficult to get everybody together. Everyone's schedules are so crazy these days.
I remember we used to hang out and play Spades every Monday Night, (right after Melrose Place), while consuming mass quantities of alcholoholic beberages and way too many cigarettes.
Anyway, if I can't get a game together, I guess I'll just go out to one club or another.

This is why so many gay men are alcoholics.
There's not much else to do but hang at the gay bar.

Monday, November 17, 2003

The Server's Curse

Server's know voodoo. It's true, I tell you!
Piss one off and you could invoke the curse.
You don't believe me? Just read the following and decide for yourself:

  • Helen G. "forgot" to tip her waitress, Doris, at the Last Stop Diner in Tucson, AZ, and later that day she fell down a flight of stairs, dislocating her hip!

  • Carrie M. from Buffalo, NY, berated her waiter, Jerome, for "taking too damn long" with her order and later her husband left her, taking with him their two children and the family dog, Rufus!

  • John Wayne B. made crude sexual suggestions to his waitress, Rita, at the Flamingo Lounge in Manassaa, VA, and later his wife cut off his penis and threw it out the window!

  • Zelda P. ran her waiter, Jimmy, practically to death at a Family Steakhouse in Baltimore, MD and then left without tipping. As she was leaving, Jimmy put the boogaloo on her.
    Who knows what's going to happen to her, but you can just bet it's gonna be bad! Really, really bad!
  • Saturday, November 15, 2003

    I Deserve It

    I had a great last two days. I went to Grand Central Wednesday night. There were a lot of girlies there, which I thought was unusual.
    I mean real girls, not drag queens or lesbians. (Lesbians are "womyn" anyway, not "girls", right?)
    Anyhoo, I got a Cap'n Morgan and coke and gave Eric (who was looking really yummy in his Reese's peanut butter cup t-shirt, by the way) a big hug. There wasn't much going on downstairs, so I headed upstairs to the video bar. I figured if there wasn't anybody interesting to ogle, I could at leat watch videos while I sipped on my cocktail.
    Brooks, who used to tend bar at the Allegro, was the upstairs bartender which kind of surprised me. I haven't seen him in awhile and I almost had forgotten him altogether. I looked at him for awhile thinking "I know this guy, but from where?" and I strained my brain until it finally came to me. It's good to know he's still around.
    I saw Chris there, and he was looking as scrumptious as always and I gave him a big hug and and talked to him for a while. I hadn't seen him since Pride Day, so it was really nice running into him.
    The videos were OK. Poppy stuff from last year, mostly: Britney, Madonna, Shakira, Cher.
    (G. calls it "gay music" and I can't deny it, really).
    They did play "Cry Me a River" by Justin Timberlake and I just stopped everything and stared at that projection screen while it was on. That man is just too sexy!

    I made it a "Blockbuster Night" last night and rented Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle and Bringing Down the House.
    I popped some corn, sipped on some a 99 Bananas and Sprite, and watched my movies and went to bed.

    They got me working some mad hours at the restaurant.
    I'm not complaining or anything. They took a lot of hours from other people, but my hours actually increased, which means more money for me, but less time to relax, blog, whatever.
    Working a lot is good in another way--the more I work, the less time I have to spend the money I make, which means my money will pile up that much faster.

    Naked Waiter

    Here's a yummy cocktail I discovered recently. If your looking for something new, why not try a Naked Waiter?
    Here's the recipe:
    3/4 oz Pernod
    3/4 oz Mandarine Napoleon
    1 oz Pineapple Juice
    4 oz sparkling Bitter Lemon

    Pour inredients into an ice-filled wine goblet, and garnish with a lemon wedge.

    Friday, November 14, 2003

    Varnish stripper: $4.56 a can

    Scraper: $2.95

    Sandpaper: $3.59 per pkg.

    Watching your husband sanding the steps in the nude? Priceless.

    Wednesday, November 12, 2003

    Stay Golden

    It's uncanny how differently (sometimes way differently) you see or picture yourself in your head, and what other people see or perceive about you.
    The other day after work I changed my clothes in the men's room because I was going out to the bar and didn't want to be rockin' my food-splattered uniform.
    This was before I got my hair done, so my hair was kind of longish, but I had put some Goop© in it so I thought it looked OK. I was wearing jeans and a white t-shirt and my favorite black leather jacket. I wasn't dressing to impress, I was just going to have a few alcoholic beverages and then head home.
    Anyhoo, I was just heading toward the exit when Melissa calls out to me: "Hey, Ponyboy!"
    I'm like "Huh? What did you call me?"
    "You goin' to the rumble, Ponyboy?" she said, grinning.
    And then I got it.
    "Oh. The Outsiders."

    Earlier that same night, I'm in the server station just goofing off. It was too early to start closing stuff down, I'd done everything I could to my section to prepare it for closing (refilling sugar caddies, sweeping under the booths, etc.) and I had just checked my guests and they were happily munching their food.
    So I'm singing "P.I.M.P." by 50 Cent and snacking on some french fries with a side of bleu cheese dressing and Vita comes in the station and hears me singing.
    "No, you are not!" she says.
    "No I am not, what?"
    "No you are not singing 50 Cent!" she said, and starts laughing.

    Here I'm thinking I'm a cosmopolitan, metropolitan, man of the world kinda guy.
    I guess I'd better think again!

    I'll be spending the rest of the day doing stuff around the house. After G. gets back from running errands, he's going to be working around the house too.
    Thrilling, right? But it's not going to do itself.
    We got this really nice border for the top of the living room walls and I'm going to attempt to put it up all by myself.
    It's self-adhesive--all you do it dip it in warm water.
    How hard can that be?

    After that, it's over to Grand Central for cocktails as a reward!
    Whee!

    Thought Of The Day

    "There is a childhood into which we must grow, just as there is a childhood which we must leave behind.
    One is a childishness from which but few of those who are counted wisest among men have freed themselves.
    The other is a childlikeness, which is the highest gain of humanity."
    --George MacDonald

    Tuesday, November 11, 2003

    Is It Worth It? Let Me Work It

    Two double shifts back to back, plus a busy weekend, equals Wonder Boy doesn't feel like doing anything he doesn't absolutely have to.
    Can you dig it?

    In my spare time (Hah!) I've been fooling around on tribe.net when I should be working on my writing and my painting like I promised myself I would.
    I have all these canvasses and paints and brushes and I have so many ideas for paintings, but when it comes down to actually doing it I procrastinate, find something else to do.
    The same with my writing. I have a marbelized composition notebook nearly half-full of ideas, premises, and notes for more than a dozen short stories and poems, but I haven't gotten around to writing anything but this blog and an occasional five minute story.
    I need some motivation.

    Mike's b-day was a lot of fun.
    We went clubbing and this guy Terry hung out with us and kept buying us drinks and kamikaze shooters. He used to be kind of obsessed with me years ago, but he hasn't tried anything in awhile, so I guess he's figured out that nothing's going to happen. He's totally into Mike, too. Too bad Mike doesn't think of him that way.

    Anyway, we had a pretty good time.
    "I can't believe it, Jimmy!" he said at one point during the evening.
    "What's that?" I answered, sipping my Martini and wondering vaguely if I've had too much to drink or not.
    "I'm 30, divorced, with 3 children!" he said in mock horror, arching his eyebrow.

    I've got a hair appointment at 3:30 so I have to take a shower and wash my hair.
    Yes, I wash my hair before I go to get it done.
    Yes, I know they wash it for me, but I don't want to show up with dirty hair.
    What would the Shampoo Girl think?

    Monday, November 10, 2003

    Thought of the Day

    "The television screen is the retina of the mind's eye.
    Therefore, the television screen is part of the physical structure of the brain.
    Therefore, whatever appears in the television screen emerges as raw experience for those who watch it.
    Therefore, television is reality, and reality is less than television."
    --Brian O'blivion

    Saturday, November 08, 2003

    Be Vewy Vewy Qwiet

    I woke up hours ago, but I've been lying there in the bed, right on the edge between sleeping and waking, that twilight-zone kind of awareness where you think all kinds of strange and wonderful things.
    It's a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.
    I would've just stretched, rubbed the sleep-grit out of my eyes and gotten up, because I really hate just lying around. When I wake up I want to get the day started, brew some coffee, turn on some tunes, open the shades and let the sunlight in.
    G. is a light sleeper and I instinctively knew if I did get out of bed, no matter how quiet I was trying to be, I'd still wake him up. It's happened many, many times before.
    Me brushing my teeth in the morning with the bathroom door shut could wake this man up.
    You ever notice that when you're trying to be extra quiet, every noise is three times as loud as it normally is?
    At least I'm well-rested!

    It's been kinda the "same old same old" lately. I'm going clubbing tonight with my friend Mike, so that should add a little variety to my life.
    I don't like that "boredom" feeling because it makes me feel like doing something drastic to shake things up.
    not yet, though.

    It's b-day time again for my friend Mike!

    Mike and I go way back. We were going out clubbing before he was even old enough to drink.
    He's turns 30 tomorrow, (Oh, no!) and he's kind of depressed about it, so after work tonight, I'm meeting him and some others to get the party on!
    Woo-hoo!

    Friday, November 07, 2003

    You Can't Make Me

    I'm not going out tonight.
    Nope, nope, nope.
    No matter what happens, I won't do it. You can't make me.
    I've been out to The Quest every fuggin' night this week, and I'm getting tired of it.
    Seeing the same people, hearing the same music on the juke.
    It can get costly too. It's much cheaper to just pick up a bottle of Chateau LaSalle and chill at home.

    There's plenty to keep me occupied. Now that I'm a homo homeowner I have thrilling chores like raking leaves to take even more of my precious time away.
    I've never raked leaves in my life. I'll actually be using my Glad lawn and leaf bags for leaves!
    Pretty ironic, huh?

    Wednesday, November 05, 2003

    A Five Minute Story

    Narcotica

    He walked with his head down, eyes slightly unfocused, shuffling along like one of them, so no one would suspect.
    Past Cassandra, the street whore, shooting up on her stoop, who would've been kind of pretty without the track marks all over her arms, between her fingers.
    "You wanna . . . date?" she slurred, with her eyes glassy and half-open as he walked past.
    He ignored her and continued walking, past the vending machines with their vials of crack and packets of joints, beyond the billboards advertising a new brand of cocaine ("Toot! The best for your buzz!").
    The garbage that littered the streets was ridiculous. Newspapers, old bottles of Buzz cola, disposable syringes and other unrecognizable bits of trash were everywhere. Everything looked in disrepair, looked like it was covered in grime, in filth.
    He walked through the park with it's drinking fountains, the water laced with amphetamines, past the group of young thugs, all with their THC cigaretts dangling out of the corner of their mouths, their eyes permanantly red, bloodshot.
    In the center of the park a vendor was giving away little yellow pills with a smiley face stamped on them.
    "Get your free sample of Happy here!" he shouted, "Free samples!" and people shuffled up to take what he handed them.
    He finally reached his destination. He walked up to the door of the closed-down shop, it's windows boarded up, the whole block abandoned, derelict. He knocked three times, pasued, then twice more.
    "Who is it?" came the bark of a voice behind the door.
    "I am your brother." he answered, the the code-phrase a permanant part of his memory now.
    The door opened and he darted in quickly.
    He greeted Silvio and his brother Tony, the two burly twins that guarded the door.
    "Where's Chris?" he asked them.
    "Downstairs," Silvio told him, "Tending the Garden."
    The Garden, he thought with reverence, was a minor miracle. The Garden, where they grew their organic food, natural food without drugs or chemicals.
    Carrots, lettuce, beans, tomatoes. All natural, the way God intended.
    He started to walk towards the steps that led downstairs when Tony poured him a tall glass of pure, untainted, water from a pitcher and handed it to him. It was cool to the touch and it sparked in the glass like a diamond.
    He took it eagerly and drank down every drop.
    How delicious it tasted!

    Tuesday, November 04, 2003

    Be Careful How You Use It

    The last couple of days wiped me out. Sundays are always busy, but Mondays are almost always mellow and laid-back.
    Uh-huh. Not yesterday.
    By some fluke we were incredibly busy and I had a double section.
    They kicked my ass!

    I waited on an old man yesterday and he was reeking of Hai Karate aftershave.
    (Some of you are probably too young to remember it, but my Dad used to use it.)
    And when I say "reek" I mean it literally--you could smell it from like 10 feet away! Every time I got near his table I felt like I was going to sneeze. Finally, I had to hold my breath whenever I passed by. I lost 2 small parties because they couldn't stand the smell and moved to other tables.
    Oh, it was terrible!
    My question is: where in the hell did he get Hai Karate? They haven't made that stuff since the early 70's! And why did he feel the need to take a bath in it?
    People sure are strange.

    Who's That Guy?


    It's sexy Shemar Moore.
    He's the former host of Soul Train and he played Malcolm Winters on my very favorite soap opera The Young and the Restless.

    See more sexy photos of him here.

    Monday, November 03, 2003

    In My Tribe

    Check out tribe.net.

    And look me up when you do.
    My email is : wonderboy@writeme.com

    Saturday, November 01, 2003

    Are You With Me?

    It was a good Halloween.

    It was kind of slow in the restaurant, but I didn't mind too much.
    Matt, this straight server, dressed up as a girl. He was wearing this ugly-ass dress, with black leotards and a cheap polyester wig. He's cute as a guy, but he makes a pretty "plain jane" female.
    Of course, it wouldv'e helped had he shaved his mustache off!

    Anyway, I got out of work at a reasonable time and I got to The Quest around midnight, right when they were doing the Costume Contest.
    Vince was there. He was a nightstand, with a board around his midsection draped with a tablecloth and an alarm clock, candles sitting on it. His torso (and head) were supposed to be the lamp sitting on the table, and he had a huge fringed lampshede on his head.
    It was a clever costume. He didn't win any prizes, though.

    I saw lots of tacky drag, 3 Gandalfs and 2 Frodos running around, many people wearing "wacky outfits" but no real costume, and no less than 4 "Leather guys".
    (In my opinion, if you normally go to the Eagle and wear leather gear, then wearing leather is not a costume!)
    The best costume I saw was a little old man dressed as Sprout, the Green Giant's little buddy.

    I didn't stay out late. Two drinks and then I was outta there.
    It was fun.
    I didn't get sloshed, I just had a happy little buzz, and no hangover this morning!
    Wooo-hoo!

    It's been awhile since I've heard from my pal Joey or that he's posted anything to his blog and I've been missing him.
    Come back to the Five and Dime, Nightmare Boy, Nightmare Boy!