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Life is only what you wonder.

Saturday, February 28, 2004

Do I Know You?

Recently, I went to Leon's for a quick one and as soon as I walk in I spot T.J. sitting across the bar.
T.J. and I were . . .What the hell do I call it?
We weren't "friends" -- not really.
And we certainly weren't "boyfriends".
The proper term is "f-ck buddies" and I guess that's a good of a title as any.
We were guys who were very friendly to one another and we screwed around. A lot.
Not that I hadn't wanted more from it.

At first, our "arrangement" was OK.
Wonderful actually.
T.J. is a really sexy guy and our "encounters" were always exciting and totally hot.
BUT (and it's a really big one) I can't just have sex without feelings building up in me. I'm not built that way.
If it's a one-time thing, sure, no problem! Wine me, dine me, sixty-nine me.
If it happens over and over (and over) again, that's a whole 'nother story.
I don't think of it as a flaw, it's just the way I am.

After awhile I wanted more than just hot sex--I wanted a boyfriend.
T.J. and made it Very Plain when we first began our fling that he wanted no. emotional. attachments.
Not one to flog a dead horse, I broke it off.
When you're emotionally invested in someone and they're not, it's a sign you need to move on. Things can get really messy otherwise.
I'm speaking from experience here.

Anyway, he was there. I hadn't seen him in over five years. He was with his new boyfriend and when I walked in his head turned and our eyes met.
Instant recognition. He knew very well who I was.
Then he looked away.
Doris, my favorite barmaid, knew what the score was.
She looked at me and raised her eyebrow. I looked at her and shrugged.
Honestly, it wasn't that big of a deal, really.
T.J. wasn't the first guy I've ever pretended not to know.