Don't Taunt The Substitute Teacher, Please.
Hi, my name is Chris and I've come to write some stuff for a while.
You might have read my stuff elsewhere, or you may not have. I did a couple of weblogs - one was called "Desperate Living", and the other was called "The Great Gadfly". I've written some stuff in magazines here and there and I've written and directed a couple of plays that a couple of folks got to see in New York a while back. Right now, I'm working on building up my screenwriting chops, and I'm getting ready to take courses with Second City here in Chicago this Spring.
So that's me.
When Mr. Wonder Boy invited me to post on his weblog for a few days, I must say that I was a little hesitant. I'd ranted in my own little blog world for a couple of years, and since wrapping that little venture up last year, I haven't done this kind of thing in months. And now, people are going to, like, READ what I'm saying, and some of you might even COMMENT on it. Egads!
And the most frightening part of it all is, I promised WB that I'd leave everything just the way I found it - after all, the last thing I would want to do is smear the reputation of this blog, on which Jimmy has worked so tirelessly day after day, baring his soul and sharpening his craft as a writer. It is my charge to do justice to this weblog, and by all that is right and holy, I'd sooner chop off a limb and beat myself on the head with it than to ruin the good name of this site.
Of course, having said all that, I think it's time for me to share my "101 Reasons Illicit Drugs Are Good For You" list while I wait for my naked shocker barnyard sex photos to upload. I hope you all like donkeys!
Oh, you people should know I love to kid.
To be honest, I have absolutely no clue what I'm going to write about over the next week or so. When I was first invited to do this, my first thought was to go the artsy-obtuse route. In fact, I had decided I was going to write some dry little missives about birds. I love birds, you see. Little colorful cake-decoration looking birds make me very happy. Finches make my heart melt. Cardinals are gorgeous to me. Bluejays? Sigh. So, seeing as how I never really "study" birds, I figured I'd use this invitation to research a bird a day and write the results here, because, well, I truly didn't think I had anything else to share with the world.
But then, I felt that would be terribly precious and PoMo and it's best to leave that kind of thing to Dave Eggers and people who read on National Public Radio. Not that there's anything wrong with Eggers or the NPR bunch - I'm a big fan of both - but I've come to terms with the fact that I'm a little bit more Rip Taylor than I am Rivers Cuomo. And that...is OKAY.
So after all that thought, I figured, well, why don't I just write about the stuff I used to write about when I did a blog? I pretty much only wrote about two things: music and stupid people. It was kind of like Nick Hornby's "High Fidelity", if they had turned it into a mid-season replacement TV series with Jon Cryer taking over the John Cusack role, and Will Sasso taking over the Jack Black character. I'm sure Andy Dick would have to be involved, too - he always is.
ANYway - I had a big case of the "been there done thats", and so it was back to the drawing board.
Since I quit writing a weblog of my own, I've been thinking a lot about where to take my writing next. I started out as a journalist, then veered into playwriting, then got into essay writing, then I took a while to get into maintaining a weblog. Now....?
The only thing I can think of is, these days it's very gratifying to write about IDEAS. It's less satisfying for me to write about things I've done and to tell stories about it, than it is to latch on to one particular concept or phenomenon and to put it under a microscope and see what kinds of little microscopic goblins are dancing around in the petri dish.
That was kind of vague, wasn't it?
Maybe I will write about birds after all.
Or I could just make with the dirty donkey photos.
This post is by Special Guest Blogger Chistopher.
Jimmy is currently on vacation and will return Wednesday, April 7th.