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Life is only what you wonder.

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Set The Clock Back - We're Not Growing Old

When I was jaunting around downtown yesterday, I happened to run into Kevin, this guy I used to have a little crush on years ago.

When I first met him he was in his mid to late 20's and I was 19.
It didn't take long to realize that he wasn't interested in me at all. He liked the older "daddy" type and a li'l twink like I was just didn't fit the bill.
I eventually got over it.

Anyway, it had been awhile since I had seen him last.
(Seven years? Eight?)
He was actually the one who spotted me. When I'm running around sometimes I'm I'm so focused on what I've gotta do next, I'm oblivious to the world around me.
So I'm walking down the street and I hear someone call my name.

"Jimmy?"

I turned and it was Kevin.
We exchanged greetings and then he remarked,
"You haven't changed a bit!"

He hadn't changed much either, except that his hair, once jet black, had a small scattering of grey at the temples. Otherwise, he looked exactly the same.

I've been hearing this "haven't changed a bit" line a lot lately from people I haven't seen in awhile, with a slight trace of envy in their voices.
As if I'm some Dorian Gray with a portrait hidden in my attic that ages while I stay eternally youthful.
Ha. I wish.

I've never worried too much about getting older. It's going to happen whether I want it to or not, so why worry about it?
I mean, Brad Pitt just turned 40 and most people would agree that he's definitely not over the hill, and he hardly looks middle-aged.

It's all in your head, though.
I may not look older, but I feel older and older every day.
When I start thinking of 18 year olds as "kids", when I realize that song I loved in High School is almost twenty years old, when I hear myself saying things like "I haven't roller skated in fifteen years", I feel old, old, old.

Then I get carded at the club and suddenly everythings all right again.

I'm just going to enjoy where I am right now and forget about the numbers.