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Life is only what you wonder.

Sunday, July 25, 2004

Me So Horny

I'm like a dog in heat, a freak without warning
I have an appetite for sex, 'cause me so horny
Horniness comes (no pun intended) in various levels, or stages.
It's hormonal.
We think of ourselves as intellectually "above all that" and then the nasty Sex Drive takes over.
The Six Levels Of Horniness

[Note: Men go from level to level at different rates of speed depending on age and libido.
An orgasm (however it comes about) takes you right back to Level 1.]


Level 1 - Ain't No Big Deal
It hasn't been that long since you've emptied your bucket.
You could do it, sure, but you're not pressed.
Sex isn't the last thing on your mind (it never is), but it's pretty far down the list.

Level 2 - I Feel The Need
It's been a little while and you feel the need.
Though your not out there actively looking for sex, if it came your way you wouldn't say no.

Level 3 - Somebody Get A Mop 
The Urge is not going away like you thought it would. As a matter of fact, it's getting stronger. Any sexy guys that come near you and you're undressing them with your eyes, and there are plenty of of men out there to mentally undress.
You're like one of Pavlov's dogs, drooling like a faucet.

Level 4 - All Day I Dream About Sex
You've managed to last this long? Holy smoke, how is that possible?
Now you've reached the stage where thoughts of sex have taken over most of your brain.
You're no longer undressing men with your eyes. Your wild imagination has taken over and your picturing positions and acts.
You're having fantasies about the pizza boy, the cable guy, and the plumber--all at once.
The bulge in your trousers is getting difficult to conceal.

Level 5 - The Danger Zone
If you got through that last stage without doing something about it, I applaud your inhuman self control.
But just like Kenny Loggins, you are now in The Danger Zone. People that normally wouldn't appeal to you at all are starting to look pretty damn good.
This is where it starts to get really scary.

Level 6 - Condition Red
Your bucket is full to overflowing. Your cup runneth over.
Even if it means taking matters into your own hands (ahem!) something has got to give.
You are going to explode!

[Note: There might actually be a stage 7 (or above), but I've never gotten that far.]