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Life is only what you wonder.

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Parents, Be Careful!

Reading the childhood misconceptions about sex in the latest few editions of Dan Savage's Savage Love column reminded me of how I was told about "the birds and the bees".

Being brought up in a Southern Baptist home environment I was totally sheltered for along time about all the "sinful" things. There wasn't any liquor in the house, and my parents were strict nondrinkers. I wasn't exposed to movies racier than Bambi, or Escape To Witch Mountain. I didn't even know what the cuss words were (or what they meant) until I was thirteen!

Anyway, at around age nine (or so) I asked my mother where babies came from.
Flustered, my mother only said "go ask your father."
Overcome by curiosity, I did.
Dear old pop sat me down and this is what he said (more or less):

"Son, when a man and a woman are married, and they really love one another and they want to make a baby, the man lies on top of the woman and he puts his penis in her and his seeds go inside her and she becomes pregnant. Nine months later a baby comes out, and that's where babies come from.
Do you have any questions, son?"

"Uh, no Dad. Thanks." I answered, by mind trying to grasp what he had just told me.
  • You have to be married first? You only have sex when you want to have babies? (Contraception wasn't mentioned at all in my Dad's speech.)
  • And I didn't know anything about erections (not having experienced one yet) so I wondered how the penis went inside the woman.
  • And what the hell did women have between their legs anyway? I had no idea. (I remember seeing a "beaver shot" a couple of years later --closed legs, only breasts and boobies showing -- and I came to the conclusion that women had nothing but a patch of hair between their legs).
  • And --what the hell?--seeds were going to come out of my penis? What kind of seeds? Like apple seeds? Sunflower seeds? Did they shoot out like a machine gun, rat-a-tat-tat? And doesn't it hurt when they come out?
I found out the true story a couple of years later, of course. But parents, you need to be careful what you tell your kids or you might leave them more mystified than enlightened.

And for Jah's sake, people! Mention Birth Control and disease prevention while you're at it.