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Life is only what you wonder.

Friday, September 03, 2004

I Am Immune To Your Propositions

Gay men are pigs, and don't let anyone tell you any different.
Oh, not all of them, but at least 80%, if not more.

What am I rambling about? Here's the story:

I'm headed downtown yesterday to do some shopping, but first I needed a mochiatto at Java Joe's. (I needed my caffeine fix.)
G.'s got the car, so I'm waiting for the bus. Along came Bruce in his battered up Ford Escort.

Now, Bruce is one of those people that you talk to in the bars and clubs but you never see anywhere else. ("Bar friends" is what I call them. Anyone who goes out has a few.)
He's a few years older and not my type at all--he's got a pot belly and he's balding on top.
I've seen Bruce around for years, and he always seemed like a decent guy.
Pleasant to chitchat with, but other than seeing him occasionally I didn't know him, if you get my meaning.

Anyway, he pulled up and leaned out his window.

"Hey, Jimmy! Where are you headed?"
"Downtown," I replied.
"That's where I'm headed, too. Hop on in and I'll give you a lift."

"How nice!" I thought.

So I get in and we drove off and we talked about the weather and other mundane things, and then out of the blue he put his hand on my knee and started moving it up to my thigh.
So I snatched his hand away and said, "Don't do that!"

I was shocked because he knows I have a huband, and he's even seen us out on numerous occasions.
Unperturbed at my reaction to his knee-grabbing, he said, "I don't live that far from here. What say we go to my place, I can put a porno on and I'll give you the best blow job you ever had. You don't even have to reciprocate. You can just lie there and have a beer while I work on you."

"There's no way that's going to happen." I replied.

"Why not?" he asked. It was obvious he was totally amazed that I was turning down his offer. "I could almost hear him thinking, A Porno, a beer, and an (so he said) excellent blow job and I didn't have to reciprocate? Who would turn down such a thing?
"Well, my husband would have a big problem with me doing that. And so would I." I replied.
"Oh," he says, "I respect that. I really do."

Two blocks later as I was just about to tell him to let me out of the car, he pulled over and said, "I turn the next block, do you mind getting out here?"
"No problem at all," I replied, getting out of the car and sighing with relief.

I gladly walked the 12 blocks to the cafe.