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Life is only what you wonder.

Saturday, October 02, 2004

Can I Get A Witness?

The husband and I went out last night to celebrate our anniversary.
We decided to go to Grand Central because it had been awhile since we went there. Actually it had been awhile since I had been anywhere on a Friday night -- I'm always working.

I ran into my good friend Michael, who also happens to have the distinction of being my first Real Boyfriend. We've gone through alot over the years (I'm not going to say how many). We only see each other sporadically, though, and it's always nice to see him.

You know, you'd think being married five years would make me get over all the stuff that goes on in my head whenever I go out to the clubs, but it hasn't. You ever catch yourself in a thought process and been like "Why am I doing this?" It was one of those moments.
Try as I may, whenever I go out I can't help mentally comparing myself to all the other people there like it's some beauty contest or something.
I'm looking at the men and this is what's going on in my head:

    "I'm younger than him, I'm thinner than him, I'm much better looking than him, I'm better dressed than him --wait, that's a lesbian so that doesn't count, I'm thinner than him", etc.
Superficial and shallow, I know, but I can't help it. I'm almost positive that I'm not the only one who does this.
(Can I get a witness?)
Even with my husband at my side, years of conditioning can't be thrown away that easily.

Anyway, a good time was had by all, and the best part is that I'm not the least bit hung over! YAY!