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Life is only what you wonder.

Monday, November 29, 2004

It's Not Pretty When Things Go Dark

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, but lately I've been feeling wretched.
Not sick, or coming down with the flu, or any physical ailment.
And it's not like being depressed, or lethargic, or bored.
I've just been feeling rotten and in a perpetually bad mood. I've been snapping at everybody, at my husband, my co-workers. And I've had nothing nice to say about anything.
This is SO unlike me, and the way I go about living my life. I'm usually one of the most positive, bubbly, vivacious people that you could ever meet. I'm not saying that to toot my own horn, either.
Ask anybody.

And one of the things that has been buggin' me the most is everyone else's attitude.
Anyone else can be angry, upset, emotional-- whatever-- and I'm supposed to understand. I'm supposed to let them bitch and vent and then offer encouraging advice and support.
But what happens when things are reversed? What happens if I've had a bad day, or I'm just feeling generally disagreeable?
Nobody wants to hear it. People look at me like I just grew a third eye in the middle of my forehead. Like, "What's wrong with you?" as if I'm acting like this on purpose just to annoy them.
It's as if everyone else in my life is allowed to own their emotions -- no matter what they are: Happy sad, angry, depressed.
But unless I'm this happy-go-lucky plucky person full of sweetness and light, I'm a pariah.

Maybe, it's partly my fault. I tend to hide and repress my "darker" moments.
But that doesn't mean that I don't have them, just like everybody else.

Oh, I'll get over this eventually, like I always do. I just appreciate being able to vent here on this blog.
If I didn't, I'd probably go crazy.

Tomorrow: A regular post.