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Life is only what you wonder.

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Oops, I Did It Again

Add another one to my list of faux pas and social blunders.

Picture this:
Three ladies are seated in my area. Two of the three ladies are carrying mylar baloons which say "Congratulations!" and "Happy Anniversary!" and "I Love you!" and "Way To GO!".
"How nice!" I thought, "A lesbian couple is celebrating their anniversary with their friend."
So, I'm waiting on them, and they're nice, and everything's OK, no problems. One woman takes me aside at one point, indicates the other two and whispers to me, "It's their anniversary today, do you think you can sing 'Happy Anniversary' to them?"
"No problem at all!" I reply, "I'll see to it myself."
So I gather all the servers together and we march to their table. I'm carrying a cake that's covered in whipped cream, sprinkes, non-pariels, and a candle is burning on the top. I place the cake before the couple and I make an announcement.

"Today, we have a couple celebrating their anniversary!"
(cue claps, whoops and cheers from the servers)
Then to the ladies, I ask brightly, "What are your names, and how long have you been a couple?"

Well, I knew something was awry when the woman who originally asked me to sing started laughing so hard I thought she was going to fall out of the booth.
One of the women turned white and sat there totally stunned, a total deer-in-the-headlights reaction.
The other woman flushed visibly, then turned and hissed at me between clenched teeth, "It's not that kind of anniversary! It's an NA/AA anniversary! We've both been two years with no drugs or alcohol!!!"

Oops.

"They've been two years clean and sober today!" I continue in my 'announcement' voice, "So we're going to sing 'Happy Anniversary' to them! Help us out, why don't you?"
So we sing 'Happy Anniversary' and clap and cheer. The one woman is still laughing so hard she's crying. Tears are streaming down her face.
The other women looked non-plussed, like they didn't know what to do.
All I wanted to do was go in the back, crawl into the ice machine and die.

Hopefully this won't cause them to fall off the wagon.