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Life is only what you wonder.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

You're Not Acting Straight Enough!

"Straight Acting". You see it all the time in the personal ads.
Everyone knows what it means: Someone who's not flamboyant, not obviously gay, someone who can "pass" as straight.

I object to the term only because of what it implies: that it's an act.
People are what they are. Expecting someone to change who they inherently are just to please "society" and what it says is appropriate is absurd.

It's a fact that people (male and female both) possess mannerisms or traits that our society says are "masculine" or "feminine". Some leaning more one way than the other.
A woman with short hair, no makeup, and a gruff forward manner might be called "mannish" or "butch" simply because society says that women are supposed to be pretty, dainty, demure, and soft-spoken.

Lesbians who do personal ads know how to phrase it right: "Butch Seeks Femme"
And I could be wrong, but I don't think being one or the other really makes much difference to them. In other words, a dyke who is a "lipstick lesbian" isn't looked down upon as being undesirable because she's more feminine, and neither is she put up on a pedestal as a goddess because of it.
She is what she is. And the women are either attracted to her, or they're not. It's not a big deal.

Men are what they are, too. Some men possess traits that are regarded as feminine. They're called "nellie", "queenie", "lisping", "mincing", "flaming", etc. What makes it even worse is that it's mostly the gay community itself that's coming down so hard on them. A gay man will put down another gay man for being "too nellie" a lot faster and more viciously than a straight person would.

Am I straight acting?
Well, I like to have sex with men (I guess I should say "my man" since I'm partnered and monogamous), how "straight-acting" is that?
No one would ever describe me as ultra-butch, and I'm not stereotypically "nellie" either. I'm somewhere in the middle.
Is that something I do purposefully? Am I acting? No, that's just the way I am.
The husband, on the other hand, is very masculine. There is not anything nellie or queenie about him. Is he acting? No, that's just the way he is.

We can't help what we're sexually attracted to, however.
I'll admit I have seldom found men with feminine attributes very appealing -- as sexual partners or people I would consider dating. I don't know why, but with only one or two exceptions that's just the way it's been.
You take two gay identical twin brothers (there's a sexual fantasy for you), one is masculine and the other has mannerisms that would typically be described as feminine, and I'll be more attracted to the more masculine one every time. But that doesn't mean I'll reject the other one as being totally unworthy of my company. Who knows, he might be my new best friend.

Why do gay people continually put other members of the LGBT community down, when we should be supporting one another?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the point of "gay pride" to be proud of yourself?
And doesn't at least a part of that include tolerance and acceptance of everyone else?