Adventures In Sleep Deprivation
They say not getting enough sleep will make you crazy. I don't know about that, but I can say for a fact that it will make you fuckin' stupid.
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale.
Wednesdays and Thursdays I work double-shifts, which means I'm at the restaurant at least twelve hours both days, from the before the restaurant opens straight through 'til after it closes.
It's impossible for me to go to bed any earlier than 1 AM, and even more so if I've worked that night. I'm all jumpy, restless, and wound-up from working.
Oh, I can climb into bed anytime I want, but I won't get to sleep before at least 1AM, so why bother?
So Tuesday and Wednesday nights I'm lucky if I get 5 hours sleep.
"Lucky" being the key word there.
I usually make up for that Friday mornings by sleeping in 'til 11AM or so, but last Friday I had too much to do.
I was up at dawn running errands, paying the rent, getting Puppy Chow for Rico (who was totally out of food, and looking at me, licking his chops and seeming like he was wondering which parts of me whould taste best) -- You know, stuff that just couldn't wait.
I got done everything early, but it's also impossible for me to sleep or take a nap in the daytime.
It just won't happen, no matter how tired I am.
When I'm up, I'm up.
Friday night I was determined to catch up on sleep, but like a jackass I spent Friday night after getting home from work talking on the phone and playing with Rico and before I knew it it was 2AM. . .
Anyway, to make this long story short(er), let me just summerize and say I barely got any sleep for four days in a row, ummmkay?
It'll save time and I don't want to bore you.
Sunday, I agreed to work night-shift for Nancy who had a Bull and Oyster roast to go to, which means I was working yet another double: 7:30AM - 10PM or later, on our busiest day.
Let me just say I didn't want to do it AT ALL, but Nancy practically got down on her knees and begged me, and I'm the boy who can't say no, so . . .
When I'm sleep deprived I get goofy.
I'm goofy anyway, so sleep deprived you can multiply my goofiness by a factor of ten, and my IQ drops like a brick.
Yesterday was a total disaster.
I kept spilling things all over the place, I kept bringing the wrong drinks to the wrong tables, forgetting things.
This woman had to ask me for a glass of ice water five times.
Also, when I don't get enough sleep I start to see things that aren't there (little imps dart in and out of the shadows), I lose my ability to read english, and I can't understand things people tell me.
I'm like a foreigner who barely understands the language.
- Gloria: "Jimmy, you just got a new table."
Sleepy Jimmy: "I have a wet noodle?"
Gloria: "New table."
Sleepy Jimmy: "Nude? Who's nude?"
Gloria: "They're not nude, they're new!"
Sleepy Jimmy: "Who's new?"
Gloria: (exasperated) "Oh, just go check your section!"
The only time I can sleep that early is when I'm that tired.
I got plenty of sleep last night, thank heavens, and, my, doesn't everything look so bright and lovely today!