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Life is only what you wonder.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Here We Go Again

Sorry for the lack of "personal" type posts lately. It's difficult (for me, at least) to write about personal, yet trivial, things when there's something wrong going on. Seperating your troubles from the good times is like trying to seperate the white from the yolk in an omlette.

There's been trouble in "paradise".

Fighting with the husband, not talking for days on end. Various strains ans stresses.
Why does it always come down to this?
I am literally exhausted by it all.

You always hear the most glowing things about the start of a romance: I'm in love, he's so handsome (hot, sexy, whatever), the sex is incredible, I've finally found Mr. Right and we'll be together forever!, the future's so bright I have to wear shades!
(Picture a happy couple walking hand in hand into the sunrise.)

And you also hear alot about breaking up: he's a bastard, he's driving me crazy, I can do bad all by myself, I'm better off without him, etc. (Picture someone walking alone down the street, head held high with a look of optimism, while "Survivor" by Destiny's Child plays in the background.)

But you very rarely hear about the "pair maintenence" stage in between, and the reason for that is very simple: It's boring.

I think the main thing that's causing so much difficulty is that we're so different. Our philosohies, tastes in music, fashion, movies, and TV shows are at total oppisite sides of the spectrum. I'm very easy-going and blase, he's very serious-minded and goal-oriented; he likes things neat and orderly, I'm not a total slob, but "putting everything in it's place" isn't that high on my list of things to do.
I'm not saying either one of us is "right" (or wrong, for that matter). We're just different, that's all.
So we start drifting apart, little by little, inch by inch, and before you know it, a big chasm is between us and we can barely even see the other person.
So it get's to the point where each of us is thinking, "Why am I even in this?".
We break up, realize how much we love one another and miss each other, get back together and everything's great for a little while, but then it starts all over again.
(Cue "Love Lift Us Up Where We Belong" from the An Officer and a Gentleman soundtrack.)

Oh, in the beginning it didn't matter so much, because we were in love (reread pararaph four).

One thing we do agree on is that we love one another. I don't think we'd still be together if we didn't.
I can't shake that man, no matter how much I try. He can't shake me, either.
For better or worse, we're under each other's skin.

That's why we're planning on seeing a couple's councelor.
We'd discussed it before, but I kept putting it off, and putting it off. "Why do we need a shrink? We can solve our problems all by ourselves."
Well, it's obvious to me now that we just can't, so something has to be done.

It's come down to this: either we fix whatever needs fixing, or we go our seperate ways, because we can't take much more.
I'm tired and I know he is, too.