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Life is only what you wonder.

Monday, April 25, 2005

It's Not What You Wear, It's How You Wear It

I was thinking the other day that it would be nice to go out to some different clubs.
The gay bars/clubs in Baltimore are fun and all, but I'm tired of the same old thing. As fabulous as the Hippo and Central Station are, they get kind of ho-hum after you've been there 500 times or so.

Anyhoo, I was looking around for something new, something fun, not too clique-y, someplace where I would be comfortable.
Unlike the husband, I don't mind going to straight clubs, as long as they don't freak out when I boogie with my man on the dance floor.
(i.e. "Oh my gawd, there's a queer in here!")

I found a club that looked promising. Four dance floors featuring different types of music (house, hip-hop, trance/techno. and retro 70's/80's), a lounge area featuring mood lighting and overstuffed sofas and chairs. The entire description of it sounded amazing. I was longing to go there.
Then I saw it:

    Dress Code:
    No hooded sweatshirts (Hoodies)
    No baseball hats, visors or knit caps
    No t-shirts, sweatshirts, wifebeaters or athletic wear
    No jeans, No baggy pants
    No ripped or torn clothing
    No athletic shoes or rugged boots (Timbs)

    Please dress to impress!

No t-shirts? No jeans? No athletic shoes? There goes 99.44% percent of my wardrobe!
Oh, I suppose I could dig out a pair of khakis or chinos and dig in my closet for my dress shoes (which are in there somewhere). I could do that, sure, but I wouldn't be comfortable.
And it's all about comfort with me.

Plus, when you have to wear a uniform for work, dressing however you like when you're off duty becomes important. Forty plus hours a week I'm forced to dress a specific way, I'm not going to let anyone tell me what to wear, no matter how fantasic the place is.

I dress for comfort, but I also dress to accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative.
For example: I have nice shapely legs and a cute little ass. (Not a "bubble butt", but it's cute, OK?) And I also have a small 28 inch waist, and a nice size bulge in my trousers. That's the positive.
But on the other hand, I have the chest and torso of a twelve year old boy. I'm not all skeletal or anything, there is some muscle-tone there, but not much. That's the negative, as in there's nothing there.

So I dress accordingly.

My jeans tend to be somewhat snug (but not skintight) which shows off my legs, butt, and my bulge. My shirts tend to be loose (but not too large), tucked into my jeans (to accentuate my waist). Unbuttoned slightly and with a wifebeater underneath, it kind of gives the illusion (in my mind at least) that I have a torso of some kind.

Of course, if I were built the opposite way (torso like a brick outhouse and spindly little sticks for legs) I'd probably wear muscle t's or tank tops with baggy trousers.

Make the best of what you have - that's my motto.