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Life is only what you wonder.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Looney, Looney, Looney

I think I read the statistic that one out of every twenty people is in need of some kind of psychiatric treatment, and that one in fifty, if tested, would turn out to be clinically insane and should be in a padded cell somewhere.
I am reminded of these statistics whenever I ride the city transit bus, walk around downtown, and, in short, whenever I'm in a public place.

Every once in awhile a truly whacked out individual will come to eat in my restaurant, which turns a humdrum day into either an entertaining event (if they're sitting in someone else's section), or a nightmare you can't escape from (if they're sitting in mine).

Yesterday, a crazy man was sat in the section next to mine. I didn't know he was crazy right off, though. All I knew he was fifty tears old if he was a day, he was wearing a stained and holey "God Bless the USA" t-shirt, he was really loud, and he was talking to all the people sitting at the tables all around him. I caught up to Debbie, his waitress, in the drink station.
"That guy is awfully loud, isn't he?" I said to her.
"He's crazy!" she replied, "He's bothering all my other guests! And did you hear the fucked up shit this guy is saying?"

Here's some of what this guy was spouting to anyone who would listen:

  • 9/11 didn't actually happen, it was all Hollywood special effects. (Gosh, all the news services, press, and all the people in NYC must be in on it too, then. It's a conspiracy!)
  • The moon landing and space travel never happened either. More special effects.
  • Osama Bin Laden never existed, he's "someone we invented to give a face to our enemy".
  • George Dubya is the anti-Christ. (I could almost believe this one.)
  • And more stuff about microchips implanted in people to "track them", genetically engineered clones, robots disguised as people walking among us, alien spaceships using crop circles to give "secret orders to people in high places" and on and on and on.
And you could tell this guy actually believed every word he was saying.

I have one hard and fast rule when it comes to crazy people: I have nothing to do with them.
Why?
Because they're crazy, that's why! Crazy people are capable of anything. He could decide at any moment that I'm actually a robot disguised as a person and try and bash my head in.

Which reminds me of something I read a little while ago, which goes something like this:
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far, away, there were people living on a planet troubled by war, crime, and mayhem. One day they decided they were going to clean up their troubled planet and make it a happy peaceful place. So they gathered up all their crazy people, homicidal maniacs, sexual perverts, and other undesirables and sent them way to another planet: a pretty blue and green world orbiting third from a bright yellow star. The planet's name was Earth, and we are their descendants.
It's better known as the Asylum: Earth theory.
Every once in awhile, like when I come across a madman like I mentioned above, I think there might be something to that theory, after all.

Or maybe I'm the one who's crazy. Who knows?