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Life is only what you wonder.

Monday, May 02, 2005

A Knight Without Armor

    "You bastard!"
I'm not used to people saying that to me, much less right after I answer the phone, and especially not my good friend Fireguy, so I was a little taken aback.
    "Huh?" I managed to say.
Not the best comeback, I'll admit, but I didn't have much time to think.
    "You're a bastard." he repeated.
I could tell at this point he wasn't serious, but I still had no clue what he was going off about.
    "I'll have you know my parents were married for nearly six years before they had me," I said, "So I am definitely not a bastard. What's this about?"

    "You encouraged me to go out with this boy, and I did, and now I like him a lot!
    I had a great weekend!"

I could tell he was grinning as he said that. Like a cat that swallowed the canary.
    "But now I've opened a door that's been closed for a long time," he continued, "and I'm frightened because I don't know what's going to happen next!"

    "Who of us does?" I replied.

I know how it is, though. You get your heart broken into tiny hurting little pieces enough times and then you finally get to the point where you say, "OK, that's it! I've tried that love thing and it only brought me pain. Over and over again!
I've had it! I'm through! I'm not even going to think about love. Who needs it?"

You basically throw in the towel in regards to love or romance.
You build a wall, and put all your armor on.

I've done it many many times.

The armor protects you from being hurt, that's true. But it also prevents you from feeling anything, all the good things that love can bring.
Yes, in opening yourself up and welcoming love you risk getting hurt, and possibly devastatingly so, but life itself is a risk. You take a risk every time you walk out your front door. What are you gonna do, stay in the house all day?

I've been there too many times to count.
But try as I may, I just can't stop myself from going there.
Try again! the little optimistic voice in my head tells me, This time it might work out!
Maybe I'm just a glutton for punsishment, but I don't think so.

Taking all your armor off and standing naked (figuratively speaking) before someone is one of the hardest things you can ever do.