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Life is only what you wonder.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

It's The Law!

While riding the city transit bus yesterday, the heavyset woman sitting next to me was eating a corned beef sandwich (on rye, with mustard). She wasn't dainty or demure about it either, she was shoving it into the hole in her face and chewing noisily, smacking her lips, licking her fingers, a ring of yellow mustard was around her fat lips.

    munch - chew- slurp- smack ! munch - chew- slurp- smack !
At the very back of the bus someone was playing thier portable radio, and three teenage girls (in matching outfits) were singing along and clapping thier hands in time to the music, not making any effort to stifle themselves.
They were giggling, singing along, having a grand old time.
    A few times I been 'round dat track
    So it not gonna happen like dat
    Cuz I ain't no holla back girl!
Near the front of the bus, in one of the seats designated for the handicapped or elderly, was a woman who looked like a bag lady in her ragged clothes, drinking from a bottle wrapped in a brown paper bag. Half the time when she drank she missed her mouth completely and liquid ran from her mouth, down her chin, and onto her blouse, which she wiped absent-mindedly with her hand.

I looked toward the front of the bus and I saw, as plain as day, a sign which read:

    ATTENTION:
    No eating, drinking, smoking
    Or playing radios without earphones
    It's The law!
And I wondered, if I took out a cigarette and lit it up, right then, right there, what would happen.

(I didn't, of course, but I thought about it very, very hard!)

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Marriage Under Fire Under Fire

While looking through the thrift store for something new to read, Dr. James Dobson's Marriage Under Fire: Why We Must Win This Battle caught my eye.
There was no way I would pay full price for this 120 pages of hard-backed hate-mongering -- but for a quarter, why not?
(This same perversity is what prompted me to purchase -and read- The White Man Is The Devil! from the African-American bookstore Black Planet. A truly compelling book. I hadn't realized I was that evil.)

Dobson's book just perpetuates some of the myths about gay people. For instance, (and I paraphrase) "gay men have an average of a thousand different sex partners in a lifetime", "gay people are sad and unhappy creatures", and "gay people don't really want to be gay, and they could change if they try hard enough".

Here are some quotes from the book, along with my comments.

(page 19) "For nearly sixty years, the homosexual activist movement and related entities have been working to implement a master plan that has had at it's centerpiece the utter destruction of the family."

Huh! News to me. I thought we were just trying to get the rights everyone else has. If there's a "secret society" that's trying to destroy the family, how come he knows about it and I don't?

(page 48) "The introduction of legalized gay marriages will lead inexorably to polygamy and other alternatives to one-man/one-woman unions."

You mean I could have three husbands instead of one! Yowza!
Actually, on second thought, one husband is plenty!

(page 56) "With the legalization of homosexual marriage, every public school in the nation will be required to teach this perversion as the moral equivalent of traditional marriage between a man and a woman. Textbooks, even in conservative regions, will have to depict man/man and woman/woman relationships, and stories written for children as young as elementary school, or even kindergarten, will have to give equal space and emphasis to homosexuals."

The key word in that sentence is "perversion". If being gay wasn't thought of as "sinful", "perverted" or "nasty", there wouldn't be a problem with it being in a textbook, or a storybook for children. There are some people who don't want Sex Ed taught in schools.

(page 60) "Once homosexual marriage is legalized nationwide, laws based on "equality" will bring many changes in the law. Furthermore, it is likely that non-profit organizations that refuse to hire homosexuals on religious grounds will lose their tax exemptions. Some Christian colleges and universities are already worried about that possibility."

And that's a bad thing? In my opinion, if you refuse to hire gay people you should have your tax-exemption taken away.

This just goes to show that you can be educated and fairly intelligent and still be prejudiced.
If someone has it in their head, because they've been taught all their lives that, say, left-handed people are evil, sinister, or disgusting, no amount of debate or persuasion is going to convince them otherwise and you're wasting your breath even trying.

My defense of gay marriage is a personal one, for the following reason(s):

If it weren't for us being "married" (exchanging the rings, vows, etc.) the husband and I probably wouldn't be together right now. If we were just "lovers" who "lived together", all the crap that we've been through would have broken us up inexorably on several occasions.
It was the ideal of marriage, the belief we had when we exchanged our vows, "for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or worse, for as long as you both shall live" that's kept us together and made us try to work things out, instead of going the easy route and giving up, packing up, and moving on.
It was our commitment to this "marriage", and to each other, that's kept us together this long.
And for the most part, we're happy.

And let me just say one thing more, and then I'll shut up.
I have been married to my husband for nearly six years.
No, it's not "legal". The state of Maryland doesn't recognize it as "marriage", but the both of us think of it as "real" and that's all that really matters.

Monday, June 27, 2005

We Like To Party

I was invited to a big bash at my friend Michael's house last Saturday night.
I didn't promise or anything, but I said I would most likely be there. I really was planning on making a cameo appearance, just to say hello and mingle for a few minutes, but then I didn't get out of work 'til late, in my haste to get to work I forgot to bring a change of clothes, and then I got to thinking better of going when I thought of how early I had to be up the next day . . .
Bottom line, I didn't go. And then I was kicking myself in the ass the next day when I heard how fabulous it was.
Damn!
But knowing me, I wouldn't have wanted to leave (Mike's parties last all night long) and I would've been one of the Living Dead the next day, trying to serve breakfast all hung over.
Being responsible sucks!

Speaking of parties, I'm helping plan a farewell party for my friend Michelle who is moving to PA.
It's to be a "surprise" party, but nobody I know can keep their big mouths shut, so I doubt it will be much of a surprise.
There's been talk of hiring a male stripper for this thing.
Sounds good to me!

The 70's Retro Disco Party me and the husband (the husband and I?) are planning has been pushed back 'til sometime in August.
We still need to do more things to the basement, buy some strobe lights, lava lamps and a disco ball.
I'm almost done with the invites, though!

Not much else going on.
Rico needs a bath really bad. He has fleas!

Friday, June 24, 2005

What NOT To Name The Baby

I hear alot of names.

At the restaurant we sing "Happy Birthday" sometimes as much as fifteen times a shift. It's the "traditional version" that goes Happy birthday, dear . . . so instead of just singing, we have to go through the bother of finding out the name of the birthday person first.

We hear all sorts of names, from the sublime (Paradise) to the ridiculous (Brucetta - which I think I saw on a menu once).

The one I heard last night takes the cake, though.
Are you ready? Prepare yourself!

Nyquilla

No shit, that's what this little girl's name was!

    Which raises some interesting questions in my mind:

  • What was the mother thinking?

  • Was "Nancy", "Cindy", "Elizabeth" or "Stephanie" to simple for her?

  • Did she have trouble thinking of a name and find inspiration in the medicine cabinet? Does little Nyquilla have a sister named Dayquilla? A brother named Vicks? Inquiring minds want to know.

  • Does she not realize Nyquilla sounds like a giant monster that would attack Tokyo or something? ("Run for your lives! Nyquilla is coming! AAAAARGH!")
    and . . .

  • What the hell was this woman thinking?!!!
If you've head some whacky names people give their kids, put them in the comments. I could use a good chuckle.

P.S. For your reading enjoyment, here's a site that's devoted to horrible baby names and another site about baby name Urban Legends.
(Thanks, Trixie!)

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Baltimore Pride '05

I didn't get many decent photos of Pride this year. I was too distracted.
Anyway, here's my Pride story. It's kind of long.
Sorry about that, but it couldn't be helped, really.
    Saturday - The Block Party
We got a late start. We had some friends staying over, and when we planned the Pre-Pride-Parade party we didn't account for the fact that four gay men and only one bathroom equals delays in everything.
When Blondie showed up at one o'clock, I still hadn't showered yet!

Anyway, we had Mimosas and coffee, and eventually everyone was ready to go, so we piled into two cars and headed to Mount Vernon. I rode with Blondie and Aila in Blondie's Hello kitty mobile and we blasted Love.Angel.Music.Baby by Gwen Stefani all the way there. (I need to get that CD pronto!)

    This shit is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!
The first person I saw was Jason, who was showing off his new boyfriend Paul (Paulo? Palo?). He gave me one of his big hugs I adore so much. A perfect start to the day!

The festivities kicked off with the "first annual" high-heel race, in which there were only three contestants, one of them a bald guy wearing a tutu. They ran down one city block and it was over in, like, ten seconds.
Ho-hum.
Hopefully next year's race will be more exciting. Make 'em run ten blocks in spike heels wearing wigs and full makeup. Now, that would be worth seeing!

The parade was fun.
I'm sorry to say Blondie missed it, though. She had to tend to her daughter who wasn't feeling well, so she ended up leaving early. She was upset she had to miss everything, and so was I -- I had looked forward to showing her around.
There's always next year, though.

This year they barracaded Charles Street on both sides, so it was nearly impossible to get from one side of the street to the other without walking the equivalent of ten city blocks.
Unfortunately, I had gotten separated from my group when I walked Blondie to her car. They were on one side of the parade and I was on the other.
Since I had to wait for the parade to be over before we could rendez vous, I decided to watch it from the balcony at Spike, which was my "secret spot" last year. The Spike wasn't crowded at all, so getting drinks (or using the restroom) was simple and easy, the balcony had an incredible view of the parade below, and there were only eight others up there with me. Much less congested than the streets below.
My boy Jim was the bartender and he was all done up in spikes and leather: harness across his chest, leather g-string, leather cowboy chaps and boots, and leather armbands, wristbands, etc.
That's hot!

My buddy Mike called me when I was up there.
"Where are you?" "Upstairs at Spike." "Don't go anywhere. I'll be right there!"
He's a crazy man. Turns out he was on the other side of Charles Street and he leapt over the barricades and ran through the parade to get where I was.
(I woulda done that, except I'd prob'ly trip and fall on my face, or get run over by a drag queen float or something.)
Anyway, he gets to Spike and we have a drink and he tells me Jonny (his boyfriend of nearly ten years) just up and left him and moved to California two days ago!!
So of course he's really upset. And he's trashed. Beyond belief.
I can understand why. Being single on Pride Day is no joke, because all you see are happy couples.
Troubles float in alcohol, though. I know that from experience.

At this point, the parade is over and they've removed the barricades.
"I know you want to find your husband," Mike says to me, "But walk around with me for a little while. I don't want to be by myself."
I say OK, and off we go.
I ran into so many people I know. Walking from point A to point B was an effort because I had to keep greeting people. "Hey! How are you! Happy Pride!"
Mike wanted to go to Leon's for another drink, but I wanted to find the husband, so we separated. I told him to call me if he needed me and he said he would.

Finding the husband and the rest of the crew was another challenge. Talking on the cell phone was out, simply because it was so noisy you could barely hear or be heard. That's when the handy text messaging feature comes in handy.

MEET ME IN FRONT OF CITY CAFE IN TEN MINUTES!

So I meet him, and we walk around together holding hands and looking around and talking to people, and drinking vanilla mojitos and raspberry sangrias.

After awhile of this we were weary.
The sun, the excitement, all the walking and the alcohol had gotten to us.

RuPaul was slated to be performing a 9:30 but she hadn't started by 9:45 and we were ready to go. As much as we wanted to see her perform, we were just too pooped.

The plan was to go home, rest and regroup, and then go back out around 11, but the husband fell fast asleep as soon as his head touched the pillow (if not before) so I knew the night was pretty much over.
That was fine by me.
It had been a long day.

    Sunday - The Festival
Another late start.

Rico wasn't used to riding in the car at first, but after awhile he seemed to enjoy it, his head out the window, tongue wagging in the breeze.
When we got to the park, there were so many people and he was trying to sniff everyone and he nearly got stepped on a few times, so I ended up carrying him.
Everyone fussed over him saying what a cute puppy he was and you could tell Rico was loving every minute of it.

My friend Roger said he left the block party at 10:30 and RuPaul still hadn't performed yet. I wonder did she even show up?
It's a mystery.

I purposefully didn't bring a lot of money with me, so I wouldn't spend excess money on stupid stuff: t-shirts, keychains and whatnot. I have enough of that junk already.

After a few hours of strolling around, looking at the vendor's wares, and showing Rico off, weariness set in again.
Rico felt like he gained twenty pounds since I first picked him up, and just looking at him you could tell he was tired, too. He's not used to being around so many people.
Armstrong and Anthony still had a long road trip ahead to get back to NYC.
All indications led to just one thing: it was time to call it a day. So that's what we did.

Another Pride has come and gone.
It was fun, fun, fun, but in a way I'm glad it's all over.
Until next year, anyway.

P.S. Sorry you couldn't make it up here. Maybe next time!

Friday, June 17, 2005

Everyday Pride

All through the month of June there are Gay Pride celebrations in virtually every major city in the US, which pretty much makes June "Gay Pride Month".

But pride (or Pride, capital "P") isn't something you do just one month out of the year.
Pride is something we do every single day.

    Here are some examples of every day pride:

  • Introducing your lover as your "partner", "Boyfriend" or "husband" instead of "roommate" or "friend" to new (straight) aquantainces and not caring what their reactions are.

  • Holding hands with your partner in public places.
    Not to make any kind of "statement", but because you feel like it.

  • Not "straightening" up the homestead (taking down that Tom of Finland print from the wall and removing More Joy of Gay Sex from the bookcase, and so forth) before family or other guests visit.

  • Not caring if anyone knows you're gay - because everybody knows!
What have you done today to make you feel proud?

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Rub-A-Dub-Dub . . .

. . . Wonder Boy in da tub!

After numerous attempts (OK, two) I've managed to make the coveted SHOWER Room gallery.

YAY!

I knew it was coming, but I didn't expect Shower Room Boy to do such a nice write-up about me and this blog. What a pleasant surprise!
Thanks, pal!

Monday, June 13, 2005

Gearing Up

Baltimore's Gay Pride is coming this weekend.
YAY!
There's lots to do!

We have friends from NYC (Armstrong, whom I might have written about prevously, and his boyfriend Anthony) coming down to visit, and we're having a Pre-Pride Parade party at the house Saturday afternoon at around noon.
Not a big hoo-hah or anything, just cocktails and socializing before the parade begins at 4.

I've got a hair appointment for Friday morning, and sometime before now and then I need to go shopping for a new outfit.
Even if it's Old Navy or The Gap (god help me).
Looking fresh is not an option, it's mantatory.

My girl Blondie will be joining us for the festivities.
It's her very first Gay Pride Day, so showing her a good time is right at the top of my list.
Now that I think of it, Rico will be joining us for the festival on Sunday, so it'll be his first gay pride, too!
I should buy him a rainbow collar or tie a rainbow bandanna around his neck or something, I guess.

I'm sure it will be an adventure. It always is.

Forgive the lack of posts for the rest of this week. I'm just going to be too durn busy with all the preperations, plus I'm working all this week, too.
(You thought when I said Gay Pride was more of a big deal to me than New Year's Eve and my birthday combined, that I was kidding? No such luck.)

I might get a chance to post something before then, but no promises.

Happy Gay Pride!

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Brefuss

Sooo tired.

I've been up since 6 AM this morning because I've been working the Breakfast Shift on Sundays lately.

My energy level is lowest in the morning, plus at six in the morning I am neither awake, nor coherent.
I don't really feel like eating that early in the morning either, but breakfast is free for employees so I force myself, and then it sits in my stomach like a rock until around noon when my body decides to take a crack at digesting it.

That's my breakfast plate in the photo. I apologize for the poor quality, it was taken with my phone.
Anyway, I'm eating a Western Scramble which consists of ham, green and red peppers, onions and Monteray (sp?) Jack cheese scrambled with "liquid egg product".
(No restaurant I've ever worked in has ever used real eggs for scrambled eggs. If you want a "real egg", order over easy or sunny side up or something. Trust.)
Oh, yeah and a side of scrapple. I know scrapple is the parts of the pig that they couldn't find any other use for, but it's so tasty though!

People are so grumpy in the mornings! I don't like getting up early either, yet I try to make an attempt to be pleasant. Or at least not to be a complete ogre.
And you can't get their coffee to them fast enough. I swear I brewed twenty gallons of coffee this morning. It's like coffee is the only thing keeping the blood flowing through their veins or something.
They'll die without it!
It's my opinion that if coffeee is so vital that your very existance depends on it, you should have a caffeine IV hooked up.

The good thing about working breakfast shift is I get the day over with by 3PM.
YAY!
Thank God it's only one day a week, though.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Who's That Guy?

I don't know if it's his chiseled good looks that attracts me to Welsh actor Ioan Griffudd (pronounced "Yo-Awn Griffith"), or the fact that he's playing Dr. Reed Richards in the soon-to-be-released Fantastic Four.

Just in case you don't know, (in the comic book version at least) Reed Richards could stretch or expand every part of his anatomy.
I'll let your dirty little imaginations take over at this point.

No wonder they call him Mr. Fantastic!

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Burning Question

Question Of The Day:

Why do former or recovering alcoholics in television shows and movies always drink club soda or tonic water?
I mean, is this something recovering alcoholics actually do?

I see it all the time and I just don't understand it.
Club soda is nasty, yo!

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

It's a Sunshine Day!

    I just can't stay inside all day,
    I gotta get out, get me some of those rays . . .
I was going to take advantage of this wonderful technology and do an audio post on my cellie while I was out and about in Baltimore City, but for some reason Audblog seems to be on the fritz.

Oh, well.

I've joined Flickr. You can see the photos here.
More will be coming soon. (I have a ton of them. I'm photo-happy with my DigiCam.)

That's all for now.
More later. Rico needs a walk in the park.

Monday, June 06, 2005

Some Like It Hot

If you don't live in Baltimore, you probably won't have seen this commercial.

It's actually an advertisement for some scratch-off Lottery Tickets.
I don't play the lottery as a rule, because I know the odds are always in favor of the house (or in this case, the state of Maryland).

Anyway, I always have to pause when I see this "music video".
It's so effing stupid that it's hilarious.

Uberstud - "I'm Sooo Hot"

Sunday, June 05, 2005

It's All Good

Against my better judgement, I went out bar hopping last night with the husband and some other friends (Nancy, Craig, and Mike).
I wasn't going to, because I had to work this morning.

But then I thought Why not? I've worked hard this week and haven't done anything fun.
We went to several different bars and had a few cocktails and various shots were consumed.
Good times, and I was in bed and asleep by 1AM (after some slighly drunken sex with the husband).

I'm at work now and I am (only) slightly hung over.

It's my philosophy that your hangover is the price you pay for your overindulgence. If you didn't drink so much, you wouldn't be hung over, would you?
I have never called out sick because I was hung over, I suffer through it.

Anyway, it's not that serious. Just a little headache, really.

It was worth it.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Cruised!

Cute boy (about 19, maybe 20) in the restaurant today, having dinner with his father. (At least I think so. He was the right age, and they both looked very similar.)
He had blond hair, blue eyes, and kind of looked like Cary Elwes from the Princess Bride except this guy's eyes were brown and not blue like Cary's, and he didn't have a mustache.
FI*: Definitely do-able, no question.

Anyhoo, all through the meal he's just staring at me, and I'm wondering What is he looking at?
I'm thinking it's because I have a gravy stain on my shirt or maybe I remind him of someone.
I didn't know, but it was kind of creeping me out --the intensity of it. I mean, I was sorta-kinda thinking he was cruising me, but who would do that if front of their father?

Finally it came time for them to leave and I left a tray of mints and a comment card on the table.

    "Thanks for dining here!" I said, "Come back again soon!"
(It sounds corny but when you get used to saying it, it just comes out naturally.)

So I go back to the kitchen, and when I come back out a few minutes later, they're gone.
There's about a 25% tip on the tray for me, and on the comment card is written:

You're cute. Call me.
--Mark
along with a phone number, most likey his cell phone number.

Holy smoke! Cruised! At work!
I can't even remember the last time that happened.
The only time that ever happens they're dirty old men.
Or possibly it's that I just don't notice when they do, because I'm busy or something.

Not that I'm going to call him or anything. He's cute and all, and as a single man I definitely would have called him. But I'm married, so I can't.

It's nice to know I still have it, though!
(I don't know what "it" is, but some things you just don't question!)

* FI = First Impression

Friday, June 03, 2005

Catching Up

Back from my "blog vacation".
I didn’t actually go anywhere -- I just didn’t blog!

It was kind of an experiment to see if I wanted to continue doing this.
After three years of blogging, have I said everything that needs to be said?
Do I even feel like doing this anymore?

Since you’re reading this, the answers to these questions should be pretty obvious.
Blogging is in my system by now – I just can’t shake it.

Only now it’s time to play "catch up".
To make everything easier to digest, I’ve divided this entry into several "chapters".

*cracks knuckles*
OK, here we go!

    Host With The Most
We had a small party at the house last Saturday. Kind of a pre-Memorial Day thing.
We fired up the grill, set up the bar, lit the Tiki torches, and invited 25 – 30 of our closest friends.
It was the perfect amount of people. Not too few, not to many.
Most everyone brought a food item, and everyone brought some kind of liquor.

Everyone enjoyed themselves, and only one person got so ripped they tossed their cookies -- I’d say the party was a success!

I've said I'd rather attend a party than give one, because you can't totally relax when you're the host, but there are distinct advantages to being the party-giver.
After everyone left we were ahead several bottles of wine, and (full) bottles of other various alcolohic beverages: Malibu rum, SoCo, and 99 Banannas plus 1/2 case of Bud and a sixpack of Twisted Tea. Not to mention all the leftover food. My fridge is so full I can barely close it.

No matter what else goes on I will be sufficiently liquored-up and well-fed. For a little while, anyway.

    Same Sith, Different Day
I went to see Star Wars- Episode 2: Revenge of the Sith on Memorial Day.
It was everything a Summer "blockbuster" should be: lots of action, cosmic battles, dogfights in space, heavy breathing.
Very cool special effects, I must say.

One thing disturbed me while watching this one, though.
Watching the prequels (episodes 1-3) is like watching The Amazing Adventures of Young Adolph Hitler. (If there was such a thing.)
I kept having to remind myself: Darth Vader is evil, yo!
He destroyed a whole planet full of people (Alderann in Episode 4, remember?) without batting an eyelash!
Rooting for someone who turns into the most diabolical figure in the galaxy is kind of upsetting, don't you think?
Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) is so cute, though!

We also get to see Grand Moff Tarkin again, although very briefly, which is pretty cool.

    Seperation Anxiety
Remember when I complained about my cell phone going off like Chinese New Year? Well, I ended up losing my phone the very next day!

I was taking Rico for a walk in the park and it's holster must've slipped off my belt. I noticed it missing when I got home and I raced back to the park (the only place I could have dropped it) and it was gone.
So I called the number about 20 times and got no response. I sent a text that said:


IF YOU FOUND THIS PHONE, PLEASE RETURN IT --REWARD!!!!--

along with G.'s cell number.
Still no response.

I don't know if whoever found it decided to keep it, or someone chucked it in the lake, or a dog found it and used it as a chew toy, or what.

Well, to make a long story short(er) I called Sprint and had them send me a new phone. Thank God I had insurance on that sucker -- it was a $400 phone.

Anyhoo, for the five days or so I was phoneless I was going nucking futs. When you're used to having something and then it's gone, you really miss it. It's such a totally useful thing to have.
It was like a part of me was missing. Like you're walking along and you suddenly notice your penis is gone. OK, not that dramatic, but you get the idea.
When I got it in the mail, I was like, "Thank God!!!".

The only good thing to come of it was that they upgraded my phone. The phone I had was out of stock, so they sent me an even fancier phone that's worth about $500.
It's a multimedia phone -- I could watch TV on it if I wanted to.
So lucky me, I guess.

    And In Conclusion . . .
OK, you're up to speed on everything (well, the highlights anyway).
Posts should resume with some regularity at this point. Thanks for the emails asking if I'm OK -- It means alot, really!

Have a great day!

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Still Here

Just a quick note to let everyone know that I am still around, I'm doing pretty well, and I have some interesting stories to tell.

Stay tuned.