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Life is only what you wonder.

Friday, July 15, 2005

Verb - It's What We Do

The Setting:
The server's station in a family steakhouse restaurant.

The Players:
Three servers (we'll call them Mary Ellen, Melissa and Jimmy) are talking about something totally forgettable (because I can't remember what it was we were talking about) and waiting for something to do, when another server (who we'll call Crystal) slams through the saloon doors to join them.

Crystal: I got one thing to say! Nobody better mess with me today! I've only had three hours sleep, I haven't had a cigarette in three days, annnnnd I'm PMSing!

Mary Ellen: I can't believe you've quit smoking!

Melissa: I can't believe it either!

Jimmy: I can't believe she used PMS as a verb!

    [Everyone turns to look at Jimmy, like what the hell is that supposed to mean?]
Mary Ellen: What's wrong with that?

Jimmy: It just sounds weird is all.

    [Everyone just stands there blinking at Jimmy, so once again Jimmy has to explain himself.]
Jimmy: PMS stands for Pre-Menstral Syndrome, right?
    [Everybody nods in agreement. That's right, alright!]
Jimmy: Well, she just said she's "Pre-Menstral Syndroming".

Melissa: So?

Jimmy: Well, for starters, I don't think "syndroming" is a word. I'll look it up in my Merriam-Webster when I get home, but I doubt I'll find it there.
Second, even if it is a word (which I don't think it is, but whatever) a syndrome is something that happens, like The China Syndrome, starring Jane Fonda. It's not something you can do.

Crystal: Sure it is! Why not?

Jimmy: You can "syndrome"? Any time you want to? OK then, show me a syndrome. Demonstrate syndroming to me right now. I wanna tell the world that I saw Crystal syndrome.

    [Mary Ellen and Melissa see that Crystal is reaching critical mass and is about to explode and they make a hasty retreat through the saloon doors and back to the dining area.]
Crystal: Whatever, OK?! I can say it however I want! You knew what I meant when I said it, and that's all that matters!. Didn't you hear me say nobody better mess with me today?! And here you go messing with me! God! I need a cigarette!
Crystal did not have a cigarette.
Her willpower was strong and she resisted temptation.
She's been tobacco-free for five days now.

You go, Miss Thing!