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Life is only what you wonder.

Friday, September 02, 2005

I'm Waving As I Go

I have some really great news!
No, I didn't save a bundle of money on car insurance by switching to Geico. This is even better!
I might possibly have found an apartment.

The description of it sounds perfect.
It's in the Hampden area of Baltimore, it has hardwood floors, washer/dryer & dishwasher (I can't live without modern appliances), central AC & heat ('cause I can't stand radiator heat), it's close to bus routes and local shopping. I could buy a bike and pedal (peddle?) my ass downtown or to Mount Vernon (my stomping ground) in less than ten minutes. And it's in my price range.

There's one snag -- no pets. I would have to leave Rico with G.
I would miss him alot, but I know he would be well taken care of, and I would have full visitation rights.

I'm so torn.
I actually don't really want to go at all. I would prefer to stay in the spare room of this house and just help pay the rent and other bills, but that would be too weird.
Then I could help take care of Rico, and wouldn't have to bother about moving (which sucks).
Things are already a little strained around here though, plus it would be too difficult for either one of us to move on with me staying here.

For example:

G. caught me jerking off to a porno this morning. (I've been jackin' like a monkey in heat lately. Oh, me so horny!) I thought he was going to be working! Turns out he wasn't needed, so they sent him home.
Oops! Caught with my pants down, cock in hand, with a boy-orgy scene on the large-screen TV.
Well, getting caught in the act led to us having sex. I wasn't going to do it, because that's what made it so difficult to leave the last time, but I'm weak. What can I say? Mea culpa.

Let me clue you in to something you might not already know. Sex after a breakup is extra hot for some reason. Firey, passionate, and exciting as it was in the very beginning.
Maybe it's so incredible because you know it might be the last time. Maybe the stakes aren't as high. Maybe it's because you're enjoying the sex for the sex's sake, just the physical sensation of tactle pleasure from another hot body, and all that other crap (Why didn't the trash get taken out this morning? Why do you always leave the toilet seat up? All the dumb shit you keep in your head) isn't a factor anymore.
It might be some of those things, but this is what it really is:
It's your mind trying to trick you to keep you from going.
I fell into that trap before. I won't let it snag me again.

And not once has G. ever said, "Don't go!"
"Don't go! I love you! We can work this out somehow! Don't leave me!"
I don't know if it would or could sway me or change my mind at this point, but it very possibly might.
Just like part of me wants to say, "I don't wanna leave you! I love you!" but I'm not going to say it.
Not this time.

I go to look at the place tomorrow afternoon. If everything looks good, I can start moving Monday on my day off.
We'll see what happens.

Anything could happen between now and then.