Just Can't Help It
It's not often I lose my cool at work, but sometimes, no matter how hard I try, I can't keep it together.
Here's the story:
It was 45 minutes after the restaurant was closed and I still have people in my section. First, let me just tell you that from the waitstaff point of view, anyone who is still there in the restaurant longer than a half-hour after we close is considered Pure Evil. If you're seated a few minutes before we shut the doors, that's OK - I want you to have a good meal and enjoy yourself- but these people were there for over two hours.
Everybody else in my section was gone, the tables were clean, swept and restocked. All I had to do was close down the table they were occupying, and then vacuum and I woulda been outta there. I couldn't do any of that until these guys left.
It was two nerdy looking guys in their twenties. Both of 'em looked like thier mothers had cut thier hair in the kitchen with dull, blunt scissors. One was wearing a Xena: Warrior Princess t-shirt and the other was wearing a holey, faded Star Trek: TNG t-shirt that looked about 15 years old. (The one in the Star Trek shirt was wearing cheap velcro-fastened sneakers. God knows where he got them.)
That's not a good sign to begin with. Every Trekkie I have ever waited on (ever) has not left a good tip. I guess they don't tip their waiters in the Star Trek Universe. (Now that I think of it, I don't remember ever seeing anyone pay for anything in cash on that show. Don't they use money in the future?)
Anyway, they're there talking about photon particles, who was the best captain of the Enterprise, and whether Xena could beat Hercules in a fair fight, and through it all I keep looking at the clock and fuming, and wishing I had a Star Trek phaser of my own. Or a sword.
I finally said screw it, and went in the back by the loading dock to smoke a cigarette. When I come back to the table they were sneaking out the door. Literally sneaking, scurrying and glancing behind them nervously.
I glance at the table - no tip.
Oooooooooh!I stalk over to them and just as the door was closing I say, "Thanks for your generous tip. By the way, Wonder Woman could kick that bitch Xena's ass!"
Their shocked dazed expressions as the doors closed (and locked) behind them were priceless.
Kind of asinine, I know, but I couldn't help myself.
And in other news:
A listing in the Baltimore City Paper said Ben Jelen is going to be performing at Fletcher's on Saturday the 17Th. I'm getting tickets if it's the last thing I do.
I'm so excited!