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Life is only what you wonder.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Where Did He Go?

"Over a week without posting anything?!! Jimmy must be dead!"

No, I'm not dead. I'm very much alive and well. I've just been working -- alot.
Plus all of my posts lately have been so heavy, you'd need a crane to lift them, and posting to blog just didn't seem like a fun thing to do.

Tired of that, tired of the drama, but most of all I'm tired of talking about all of it.
God, give me patience, just no more conversations.

I've been incognito all week, not calling anyone or returning phone calls. Not even checking the email, much less responding to it. (My inbox has about 200 messages in it, not including junk mail. I have alot of typing to do.)
That's totally not like me to withdraw from the world like that. I guess I just needed to be inside my own head for awhile without any outside influences.

My girl Nancy had called me three times and I just didn't feel like talking to anyone so I let the voice mail pick it up. When I finally talked to her she chewed me out about it, too.
"There are people that love you and miss you -- you can't just shut them --or me-- out like that! I was worried about you, you jack-hole!"
She's so sweet!
But I know she wouldn't be so forceful with me if she didn't care.
And I know there are other people just waiting to chew me out about it as well.
Go ahead, I deserve it.

As for my situation . . .
I'm still living at the house.
G. and I are attempting to work things out. I've even put my wedding band back on.
And believe it or not, things have been OK.
What will happen from here on out is anyone's guess. I can't predict the future any more than anyone else can.
I just couldn't see throwing away six years. That's a long time --for me anyway.
I could tell he was truly sorry for what he had done. Not having me was the worst pain he ever felt, he said and I believe it. And I was hurting, too.
I'm not saying it's going to be easy. Anything worth having takes work and effort.
And for those of you that think I need my head examined for going back, I have just this to say: You can't know everything about a situation unless you're in it. I'm looking at things through my eyes, and I'm the one standing in my own shoes, and I'm the one who has to live with the results and ramifications of my decisions. I don't ask that everyone agree with me, but at least respect the fact that is my life and my decision to make.

Anyway, that's all I'm saying on the subject -- unless something else happens.

And as for that Justin guy . . .
I texted him that I thought he was a nice guy and all, but I wasn't interested in him, etc. This was me trying to be "nice" about it. He wasn't a bad guy, just not the one for me.
Well, after I brushed him off, he wouldn't stop texting me! Over and over again. At least ten texts a day for five days!
Some people just can't take a hint. I guess rejection is a pretty powerful aphrodisiac after all.
(BTW, just the other day I saw a post from him on craigslist which said he was looking to "be used by five or more guys" and that he "would blow and swallow everyone".
What a ho!)

Anyway, now that things are back to normal (whatever that means) expect posts to resume with some regularity. Also, expect more "light and fluffy" posts in the future.
All that heaviness was draggin' me down.