Take Your Best Shot
I am often the councellor to all of my friends. I'm the person people will tell all of their troubles to.
I didn't actively choose that role, it just sort of happened all by itself.
If only I were a psyhcoanylist, I could get paid the big bucks to do the very same thing. ("Verrrry interesting," I'd say, scratching notes on a pad, "Tell me more about that.")
In a way I'm glad I'm not -- too much Freudian bullshit.
I'm quite good at giving out advice, I must say. I don't tell people what to do, I don't criticize their actions (or inactions), I simply tell them what I would do in a similar situation.
What amazes me most, I think, is how people are determined to do whatever it is they want to do, regarless of the good advice you give them.
It's like saying, "Be careful, there's quicksand up the path ahead, you might want to consider going another way."
And what do they do?
They go right down the path I warned them about.
I guess maybe they think the quicksand wpon't be so bad, or maybe they think they can handle the quicksand no matter how bad it gets. I don't know.
It's like I'm wasting my breath.
Someone (Sylvia Plath? Collette? I'm too lazy to look it up right now) once said, "Advice is what you ask for when you already know what you should do, but wish you didn't."
What is all this leading up to? I'm glad you asked!
My buddy Roger came over last night and he starts telling me his troubles. He was a little reluctant. Roger's a really good guy, and he always tries to put a brave face on, even when things are horrible.
Anyway, he tells me suspects the guy he's seeing is cheating on him. There's condoms missing and they haven't had sex in months, and there are suspicious text messages on his boyfriend's cell phone. Plus, his boyfriend got angry about something the other day and hit him hard enough to leave an ugly black bruise.
"What do you think I should do?"
The first thing I pointed out is that you shouldn't put up with anyone hitting you --ever.
Sure, it only happened once, but it could easily happen again.
My ex Danny used to punch walls, break dishes and throw things around the apartment when he was angry. After I discovered his violent temper, I made it very plain:
"If you ever hit me, you better hope to God you kill me, because if I get up you'll wish you'd never been born."
And I meant it, too.
I don't know if the guy's cheating or not, but the clues all point in that direction, and the fact that Roger suspects enough to go through his boyfriends text messages says alot.
Because people know.
Call it intuition, call it a sixth sense, call it whatever you like, but every time I've been cheated on I've known about it. I might have had no "proof", but deep inside I knew.
Anyway, I told him that he basically has three options:
One, do nothing and see what happens;
Two, confront him with it and see what he says, and then decide what to do;
Or three, leave him. Pack your stuff and get out.
What's he gonna do? There's no way of knowing.
But whatever happens I'll be there to catch him if he falls.
There's nothing else I can do.