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Life is only what you wonder.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

DEAR GOD


TO: GOD

FROM: THE DOG

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?


Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the Chrysler Beagle"?


Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?


Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beeper s, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths What do humans understand?


Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.


Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?


Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.


1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.


2.. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.


3 I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box, although they are tasty.


4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.


5. The sofa is not a 'face towel'. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.


6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.


7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.


8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.


9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.


10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".


11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.


12.. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.


13. I will not throw up in the car.


14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.


15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company.


16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.


And, finally, my last question...





Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?